Back on our wedding day, June 23, 1984, the Hubs and me received some wonderful wedding gifts. They ranged from the practical (crock pot, tea kettle, mixing bowls, wok) to the elegant (crystal stemware, silver photo frame) to the just makes you wonder (stuffed teddy bear) categories. It was quite the haul show of generosity from our loved ones.
However, the running joke that day (outside of the fact that our organist never showed up, leaving me to walk down the aisle while guests hummed the Bridal March), was the fact that we received not one, not two, but three coffee pots. And why is that funny, you ask? Because neither John nor I really drank coffee at that time. We were happy to get one, since we have plenty of family members that drink coffee. And what happy little house frau doesn't want to be able to offer her guests a good ole cuppa joe, eh? So even though it was rather funny to get 3 coffee pots, we made the best of it: we kept one, and exchanged the other two for other things we still needed.
So fast forward quite a few years. The lone coffee pot I kept stayed in my kitchen cupboard, only to be pulled out when we had family over. So really, it was still a good coffee maker, even after 17 years or so. But then I started drinking coffee, and eventually John did too, and over time that old coffee pot got slower and slower, despite regular cleanings and proper maintenance. So even though it worked (very s-l-o-w-l-y), I decided to get a new coffee pot. I saved my old coffee pot, just as a stand-by, for many years, before finally selling it a garage sale.
And that, my friends, was the dawn of the Coffee Pot Curse.
It seems that as soon as I got rid of my 20+ year old wedding-gift-keeper-stand-by coffee pot, and got the first brand spanking shiny new coffee pot, it just didn't take long before it died and went to crap appliance heaven (also known as the county landfill).
Apparently, that old coffee pot cursed me on its way out the door, after I so coldly and brazenly disposed of it like, well, an old wedding gift. It was pissed. And as a result, I was doomed to suffer the coffee pot curse, which meant having to repeatedly buy coffee pots, only to watch them die before my very eyes. Seriously, it's like they're all in this together. Are they really just dying? Or are they actually killing themselves in some grand gesture to stand in solidarity with the coffee pot I so callously disposed of years ago? Hmmm.
So earlier this week, my latest coffee pot, which is less than a year old, decided to join its fallen comrades and bit the dust. And naturally, just to mock me, I'm sure, it did so before I could even make the morning coffee! So I put the dead appliance in the garbage at the curb (it was trash pickup day, after all), and put the glass carafe in the recycle bin (it was the decidedly green thing to do) before I left for the morning.
The Hubs and I went up to Wally World later than evening to pick out a new coffee pot. I wasn't going to go another morning without my coffee--curse or no curse. And as if the latest kamikaze coffee pot death wasn't bad enough, I got an extra little surprise went I reached the coffee pot aisle and saw the following notice taped in front of the same model as my dead coffee pot:
Safety Recall:
Hazard: The coffee maker can overheat, posing fire and burn hazards to consumers.
Incidents/Injuries: Walmart has received 83 reports of overheating, smoking, melting, burning and fire, including three reports of minor burn injuries to consumer’s hands, feet and torso. Reports of property damage include a significant kitchen fire and damage to countertops, cabinets and a wall.
And then naturally, there is also a notice that consumers are to return their coffee pots to Wal Mart for a full refund of the purchase price. Yipee! I can get a full refund for my dead coffee pot...I can use that money to buy my shiny new coffee pot...I can...I can thank the damned coffee pot curse for allowing me to throw my dead coffee pot in the trash that morning, which the trash collectors have already taken away, along with any chance of me getting a full refund of the purchase price.
Yep. It's a official, that stupid curse is real and no one can convince me otherwise.
And I should have known.
