Sunday, November 14, 2010

Adventures in the Air Freshener Aisle

The story I'm about to tell you is real and true. No names will be changed to protect the innocent, because the Hubs is anything but innocent.

So The Hubs and I were shopping at Wally World on Friday, as per our usual Friday night routine. We had our 7-year-old grandson, Dylan with us, as we do every other Friday. You would think that a grown man would use the quality shopping time we share with Dylan to set a good example and behave as any good grandpa would. But does he? Um, no.

Part of the shopping routine for the Hubs and his pint-sized cohort in crime is to find appropriate sized grocery items that they can use to play catch with. And once they find a good item they proceed to toss said item back and forth to each other as we make our way up and down the aisles. Never mind the fact that the person pushing the cart [yes, me] often ends up in the line of fire, turning their all-for-the-sake-of-fun-so-lighten-up-grandma-game into a game of dodge the deodorant...but they also often come just this shy of pelting complete strangers with rogue projectiles in the form of cereal boxes or packages of paper towels.

OK, so I'm used to their little game of catch. And I've become fairly adept at ignoring their juvenile carefree behavior, or pretending that I don't know them, as the need arises. And I guess it could be worse, right? I'm sure there are much more embarrassing things that they--or the Hubs--could do, no? Well, of course there are,  or else there would be nothing to serve as fodder for my blog on this fine Sunday afternoon.

So you just need to picture me, pushing my cart, turning to look for Dylan behind me, and then navigating the turn into the air freshener aisle to find the Hubs. He's standing there, smiling. And he sort of looks like the Cheshire Cat the way he's grinning.

No, not this one...

Cheshire Cat Smile

More like this...

Cheshire Cat Man Costume

I think we can all agree that a guy does not stand in a grocery store aisle, leaning his arm on a shelf full of air fresheners, wearing a big Cheshire-Cat-Grin for no reason. Of course there is a reason, and before I even had time to ponder what that reason might be, the Hubs enlightens me.

"Good thing this aisle is full of air fresheners."

In appraising his stance, with hiss ass up against the shelves, it takes me less than a second to realize that the Hubs has indeed just farted. In the grocery store. Right up against the vast array of air fresheners.

Yes, a very fine example to be set for the grandson, and the perfect lesson  in anal emission etiquette at the same time (you gotta love a double-duty-tooty): if you're going to fart in the grocery section at Wally World, at least have the decency to do it in the air freshener aisle. And be sure your ass is right up against the shelves, so as to look as inconspicuous as possible while your gaseous expulsion permeates the shelves.

So that was my Friday, and now it's your Sunday.

Enjoy!