Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Random Rantics and Murphy's Law

Just some things I feel like ranting about...things you can probably attribute to Murphy's Law, or something equally as sinister.

Why is it that as soon as you finish spending over an hour shoveling your sidewalks, driveway and patio areas, it starts snowing again...and even harder than it did before? And you know darn well that if you had waited to do the shoveling, it wouldn't have snowed again at all. What is that about?

I hate washing my car because doing it myself is a giant pain (so I don't) and going through the car wash is so, you know, strenuous...or at least expensive. So I don't do it often. But when I do, you can bet your bottom dollar--or mine, more like--that it will rain within a half an hour. There are 365 days in a year, and I probably get my car washed on 3 of those days. You'd think that the odds would be a little bit more in my favor. Come on, Mother Nature, show some pity!

Why can I go the whole day sometimes without the phone ringing, but then as soon as I sit down to eat dinner, that damn phone will ring. And who is it? A telemarketer, of course. You know what, Mr. Too-Lame-To-Get-A-Real-Job-So-You-Harass-Folks-On-The-Phone-Instead? Interrupting my dinner, which I have so carefully and almost lovingly prepared for the Hubs and myself, and pissing me off in the process, is not really the best way to get a potential commission.  Here's an idea: how's about you give me your phone number, and I'll call you back when you're at home eating? Better yet, how about I wait until you are nestled in your comfy bed, sleeping off the remnants of the crappy karma that your job generates on a daily basis, and then I call you, eh? A-hole.

How come people have to put music players on their websites? Do they really think I enjoy surfing, landing on their site, and then having the c-r-a-p scared out of me by their music as it comes blaring out of my speakers? Just because they like the music, does not mean that everyone else will.  And I personally do not like the sticky goo that now covers my monitor, caused by the too-numerous-to-count times that I have been jerked out of my seat at loud website music, resulting in the uncontrollable projectile spitting out of my  favorite beverage. {OK, there's not really goo on my monitor, but there could be. And my point is still valid regardless. } Here's a tip to all the annoying website music lovers out there. You can listen to music without making us listen to music. You don't have to hijack our speakers and bombard us with your favorite ditties (did I just say, ditties?!).  Just turn on your stereo or ipod, or flop a CD into your computer.  Turn it up. Go crazy. But leave the rest of us to listen to our own music, if and when we choose to. Our PC monitors  will thank you.

And one more for the road...not only does this one baffle me, it seriously makes me question the future of humanity. (All right, I might be exaggerating, just a little.) One of my husband's business bills came the other day; it's for a credit card on which he purchases materials for customer jobs. Nothing amiss, just a typical bill, or so I thought...until a few days later, another something arrived in the mail from that company. Inside were the coupons that were mistakenly left out of the invoice mailing, along with a letter explaining that they'd apparently neglected to include their regular coupons with their monthly invoice.  So let me see if I have got this straight. They generated and printed a letter, stuck it in an envelope, along with the missing coupons, and affixed postage and sent it on to us with their sincerest apologizes for this incredible oversight on their behalf.  Apparently the crappy economy isn't affecting those idiots at all. How much did it cost, I wonder, for them to send out this missing coupon mailing to who knows how many people? Guess I see now where our credit card interest is going. Sheesh.

Here's to you, Murphy, or your evil twin, as the case may be.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Some Farts Are Funny

I wanted to share a funny little tidbit from the world of grandparent-hood with you. My grandson, Dylan spent the night recently, which he doesn't do so often anymore so it's a treat when he does. Anyhoots, he needed a bath so I got him in my tub. This is something he really enjoys, because, well, I have a really big tub.  I also have a TV at the foot of the tub, and I'm sure the ability to bathe while watching Sponge Bob has a little something to do with his sudden affection for bath time at gramma's house.  And FYI: Sponge Bob can be equally entertaining to bathing adults. Just sayin.

So he was in the tub and I decided to brush my teeth. So I'm brushing away when I hear him giggling repeatedly. I looked myself up and down to make sure that I was not the subject of his prolonged amusement, and I couldn't find anything amiss (nothing out of the ordinary anyway). And just about the time I finished the rinse and spit routine in the sink, he finally enlightens me.

"Gramma, gramma...guess what? I can make my own bubbles. Watch."

Can you guess where this is going, folks? Sure enough, Dylan has discovered that age-old practice of farting in the bathtub, which naturally creates bubbles...albeit temporary ones.  I couldn't help but laugh as he beamed at his new-found discovery.  From the sound of his giggles echoing through the bathroom, I'd say this was the highlight of his day....and mine.

Face it: sometimes, farts are funny. Admit it. Come on.

I hear you laughing.