Sunday, June 12, 2011

Sam's Club Shoppers

So The Hubs and Me, we had some more Shopping Misadventures over the weekend at Sam's Club. It really kind of amazes me sometimes what people wear in public. Even they're not at Wally World (but OK, Sam IS Wally's father). And sometimes the things they do are a little bit bizarre as well.

Let's start with our frugal fashionistas, shall we? One lady I saw was wearing white capris, with patterned underwear. Am I the only person who just knows that you should never wear patterned underwear under anything white? I mean, hello? The print shows right through to the whole entire world. Duh. And even if your ass is hot (hers wasn't, btw), no one wants to see your multi-colored flower-print undies through your pants.  Wouldn't it make more sense to wear either white underwear...or perhaps a thong is in order?

White Capris Shopper at Sam's Club


[On second thought, maybe a thong isn't such a good idea.]

Then there was another gal wearing white pants. This was, how shall we say, a "large" gal. And she was clearly proud of her ample supply of cellulite...which, of course, looks magnified under white fabric. Why, oh freaking why, would anyone voluntarily choose to make their cellulite-filled ass look even bigger? I have a big ass myself, so I know what I'm talking about here, and you will never see me in anything white. Ever.

White Pants Fashionista at Sam's Club


White Pants + Cellulite = Plus Sized Fashion Disaster. Seriously. I just can't stress this enough. I preach it. And I live it.

But the classiest fashionista of the day was the older lady wearing a pink tee, jean capris (clearly it was the day for capris too) and sparkly tennis shoes. I'm guessing that was her way of blinging up her casual summer outfit. She was was wearing silver hoops for ear bling, so perhaps she wanted to tie into that with some silver sparkle foot bling. Because, you know, who doesn't want a little foot bling while they're shopping at Sam's?  I so badly wanted to get a photo of her. I was just about to get my shot but the Hubs was trying to figure out the zoom on his phone's camera at the same time. And stupid me,  I tried to help him and lost my photo op moment all together. Urgh.

Anyhoots, enough about those fiercely scary dressed fashionistas. My other shopping observation of the day occurred in the restroom. And let me start by saying that I don't like public restrooms, so I use them as seldom as possible. And when I do use them I just want to get in, take care of business, and get right back out. It's not a place I want to have, say, a telephone conversation. But the lady in the stall next to me had the exact opposite agenda. Her phone rang, she answered it, and she began chatting away like crazy, completely oblivious to the fact that she's...urinating.

Seriously. When did talking on a cellphone while peeing become OK? And how important is it that you have a conversation during the urination process? Like, really? It can't wait 3 minutes?

Unaccpetable Meme

This was not a business deal or a family emergency this lady was talking about. She was just chatting about various mundane things. And she never stopped. She washed her hands...or one of them anyway...while still talking on the phone. And she left the bathroom still talking, bumping me on her way out because she was so absorbed in her phone conversation. Though she did manage an apology in between giggles with her cellphone BFF.

The cellphone urinator at least gets some points though. She was wearing, guess what? White capris. And she was a "large" gal too. But at least she had a shirt on that covered her cellulite, and any potentially otherwise visible flower-patterned underwear. So even though she failed miserably at bathroom etiquette, she wins my prize for fashionista of the day.