First, I don’t understand Hoarders. Not just the show, which is a never-ending lesson in redundancy (let’s face it, it’s the same show every week, where only the faces and location have changed), but I mean, the hoarders themselves. I can’t wrap my brain around how someone can literally amass mountains of clothes, household items, trash, animal feces, and/or other piles of poo in some form, and NOT understand that they have a slight problem. Or if they do understand, they get pissed when they have to start getting rid of their crap. Heaven forbid you throw away that empty toilet paper roll–Lord knows how much sentimental value you must have attached to that. Not trying to sound harsh, because I really do feel for those people. But I will never, ever, understand them.

Some other randomness of things I don’t understand…

19 Kids and Counting. Seriously. Don’t get me started.

Toddlers in movie theaters. I mean, really?

Cowlicks. OMG (and I don’t wield those OMG’s haphazardly!). I have one, my daughter has one, and my poor grandson has one. They both blame me, of course. But who am I supposed to blame?! They are stupid cranial annoyances with even stupider names. Cowlicks. As if it’s not bad enough to deal with on my head, I have to feel like I’ve been licked by a cow too.

White clothing that cannot be bleached. WTH did they do to it to make it non-bleachable? And WHY?!

Why Heidi has to introduce the judges on every single episode of Project Runway. Come on, Heidi. Those of us who have watched the since the beginning know who the judges are, and the newbies really don’t care.

Rubber testicles that guys hang off the back of their pickup truck. Dude, you’re not fooling anyone. We know yours aren’t that big, and the fact that you hang them there for all to see pretty much tells us all that you’re probably coming up short in that area. Is that really the message you wanna send?

Why The Boob Lady (a.k.a. Giada, a Food Network chef), pronounces all of her food words with an Italian accent…but speaks normal English for everything else.

When Facebook friends post something that says you should post it as your status for an hour, to support some sort of “cause,” and then basically infer that you’re scum if you don’t do it. Exactly how is my posting a paragraph of text doing anything for anyone on any day by any stretch of the imagination? And if you’re my “friend,” why are you trying to humiliate me into doing something in the first place?!

The God channel on TV. You don’t get bonus points for watching it, you know.

And finally, neighbors who let their dog crap in my yard. My dog is dead, so I know he’s not crapping there. So they shouldn’t be surprised when I lose it at some point and start throwing all that crap back into their yard where it belongs.

]]> http://www.tinalicious.com/wth/befuddled-blog-post/feed/ 0 http://www.tinalicious.com/wth/abcs-of-baggy-pants/ http://www.tinalicious.com/wth/abcs-of-baggy-pants/#comments Sun, 24 Jul 2011 00:03:56 +0000 Tinalicious http://www.tinalicious.com/?p=2037 Obviously, there are many Things I Don’t Understand. That’s a given. But one thing that really gnaws on my nerves is baggy pants on guys. It’s so annoying. These guys have what I call the ABCs: Ass Butt Crack Syndrome.

I mean, seriously. WTH?!

Baggy pants do not a fashion statement make. And surely Coco Chanel would agree.

I know I may be old. And I don’t exactly keep up with the fashion trends of the day. But I mean, come on, people. What is cool about your exposed underwear? Or worse yet, in some cases, your butt crack? It’s NOT cool! It’s not, I tell you.  It’s weird. It’s sloppy. And it’s ass-inine.

Let’s face the fashion reality that even un-trendy old gals like myself can understand: baggy pants are S-T-U-P-I-D! They don’t make you cool. They don’t make you hip. And I can prove it.

Exhibit A, Elvis: Cool King (Never wore baggy pants!)

Exhibit B, James Dean: Cool Rebel (Never wore baggy pants!)

Exhibit C, Johnny-You-Wish-You-Were-This-Cool-Depp (Oozes cool even when he’s a pirate and doesn’t wear baggy pants!)

If that’s not proof enough, answer me this, guys. Are you trying to hide something? I mean, back in the day, lots of men used to wear tight pants. And their tight pants, you know, showed stuff. And people thought it was just so tacky to just flash your jewels, so to speak. But at least we knew they had some jewels then. With baggy pants who the hell knows? So are you trying to just disguise the fact that you are, um, short-changed in the jewels department? Because honestly, that’s what I think when I see baggy pants on a guy–he has to be hiding his shortcomings.

Newsflash, guys: girls like to see the shape of your ass; they don’t want full view of your underwear. And they certainly don’t want to walk beside a guy who is so “cool” that he has to hold up his pants while he walks. As if. Girls want a guy with SWAG. Not bag or sag. And if you have baggy pants on you cannot have SWAG. E-V-E-R.

]]> http://www.tinalicious.com/wth/abcs-of-baggy-pants/feed/ 1 http://www.tinalicious.com/things-i-dont-understand/6-random-things/ http://www.tinalicious.com/things-i-dont-understand/6-random-things/#comments Fri, 22 Apr 2011 18:45:06 +0000 Tinalicious http://www.tinalicious.com/?p=1828 Not that I sit around pondering these kinds of things very often, nor do I have a true need for any sort of explanation, but I thought I’d just share a random list today of Things I Don’t Understand.

1. Music on Websites and Blogs. This really confuses me, and it’s freaking annoying to boot. The other day I was blog hopping, since I had work I didn’t want to do nothing better to do, and I had about 15 different tabs open in my browser. And then all of a sudden music started playing. FROM 2 OF THEM! So there I was clicking on tab after tab after tab, trying to find the source of my irritation, so I could close the offending tabs.

I just don’t understand people’s desire to play music on their site. Do they think that we don’t have our own music? Do they think we need to listen to their music in order to get something out of their website or blog? Or do they just enjoy irritating the crap out of surfing strangers and sending them on their merry way?

Newsflash to the music players of the world: if we want to listen to music, we will listen to our own! And um, if your goal is to drive people away from your website or blog the moment we arrive at it, well then, great job, and carry on.

2. The Hubs’ Movie-Viewing Habits. I love my man to death, but seriously, he makes no sense sometimes. I will come into the living room and see him watching a movie on TV that we own on DVD. Now had I asked him to watch that on DVD, he would have sighed or let out an disapproving grunt. And yet he will watch it on TV. With commercials.  I truly don’t understand that.

And on a side note, if he’s channel surfing and comes across the Transformers movie, he will stop and watch it. Every. Single. Time. Even if it’s half over.  Even if he just watched all or part of it three days prior. And um, hello? We own that DVD too. SMH

3. Parallel Parking. I mean, for real. Do I need to elaborate? But I will just say that I think parallel parking was invented by men. To torture women. And old people.

4. Why Women Squat in Public Bathrooms. The Squat. This vexes me. In theory, women squat to avoid sitting on someone else’s urine on public toilets. But am I the only woman on the planet that realizes that the only reason urine gets on the toilet is BECAUSE YOU SQUAT?! Yes, girls, I believe that’s what we call irony.

5. Why Bags of Chips are Only Half Full. Why can’t they just make the bags smaller? Or here’s an idea: put more chips in them! It’s not rocket science, people.

6. Why People Ask, “How Are You?” Just think about it for a minute: when you ask someone that question, do you really, really want to know the answer? I mean, let’s say someone is getting over the stomach flu and their dog ran away and their grandmother died and they’re about to go into bankruptcy, do you really want to know that? No, of course you don’t. You just want them to say, “I’m fine,” and then go along about your day, completely oblivious to the inner turmoil they might be suffering at any given moment.

Which, if you think about it, is why Facebook is so successful. Someone can pour their heart out in their status, and you don’t even have to reply. You can just “Like” their status. So, maybe instead of asking “how are you?” we should just Facebook each other face-to-face. One person can say, “Hello” and the other can just say, “Like” and thus bypass all the verbal feigned interest in one’s personal well-being.

But Heaven forbid we let Facebook de-personalize the art of  one-on-one conversation, no?

Have a super Saturday, gang.

Germs are flying, floating, and crawling everywhere this time of year. If we’re not trying to prevent them, we’re either trying to battle them with every manner of pharmacological warfare at our disposal, or we’re on the ever so prolonged road to recovery.

I admit it: I have issues with germs. But my personal pet peeves about germs and bacteria have less to do with the little bugs themselves, and more to do with people’s ignorance about how to prevent the spread of their nasty germs to the rest of us innocent bystanders. It never ceases to amaze me how people wantonly infect perfectly healthy friends and strangers alike, simply because they are too stupid or too apathetic to prevent it.

Here’s a perfect example. The Hubs and I went to our favorite Chinese Buffet this evening for dinner. I’ll admit, I tend to avoid buffets this time of year for the very reasons noted above. I mean, if you really stop and think about the number of germs that are lingering on the buffet utensils alone, it would be enough to make you stay home. (Or, at least, it should be.)

Just picture if you will the person who was down with a nasty, gut-wrenching two-day stomach virus–who couldn’t even keep down a glass of water up until 8 hours ago–cruising through the buffet tables in front of you, touching every single utensil as he fills his plate. Do you really want to load up your plate using those same utensils? Is the all-you-can-eat fried rice really that important to you?!  And will you still think so when it’s coming back up tomorrow? I think not. (BTW, this is precisely why I travel with anti-bacterial sanitizer, and I use it liberally when I eat at buffet places; it may not be fool-proof, but it’s better than nothing.)

And then there’s the lady I observed at the buffet this evening. She had a full plate in her left hand, and was getting another plate to fill. She looked at the 6 stacks of plates. She took her right hand and rubbed it around the surface of the plate on the first stack. But she doesn’t take that. No, she repeats this plate-rubbing on the top plate of the next stack. She did this three times, until she finally found a plate that was acceptable. WTH?! Not only do I wonder if she was sick yesterday (I guess the people who ended up taking the plates she touched will find out soon enough), but I am willing to bet that this twit is also a habitual  double-dipper at parties. Chips and Dip, anyone? Sheesh.

The simple truth is that probably half of the people who get sick each year, if not more, could avoid the illness all together with just an ounce (hell, even an iota!) of prevention on the part of the folks who go around carelessly infecting the rest of us.  So here are a few tips on how to keep your germs to yourself. And if you already know these things, perhaps you should share this blog post with those who live in the land of infectious ignorance and bacterial bliss.

1. Wash your hands. Seriously. Germs can’t swim, so drown the little suckers. It’s the one form of murder that is totally acceptable, and even encouraged. Use soap, warm water, and do it for 20, count ‘em, 20 seconds! You should be washing for the amount of time it would take you to sing the entire “Happy Birthday” song. Go ahead and sing. Get your groove on. No one’s listening.
2. Cough and sneeze into your elbow. Yes, I said your ELBOW. If you use your hand, you’re gonna touch something, and probably before you wash your hands. And I don’t want it to be my hand that you’re touching, or my coffee mug, or my door handle! But if you do use your hand, see #1.
3. If you are sick, STAY HOME. Clearly you did not wash your hands enough and you got somebody else’s bug, so stay home and keep your germs to yourself.  And I prescribe some chicken soup, and one complete viewing of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. That ought to make you feel better in no time.
4. If your kids are sick, then keep them home too.  Do you want the next epidemic in your child’s school on your shoulders?! Of course not. And while they’re home, this would be a good time to practice hand-washing and the proper form of  coughing and sneezing.
5. Don’t touch your face. This is an important one, and all too often overlooked. Germs get into your system in one of three ways: your eyes, or your nose, or your mouth. If you touch a germ-ridden surface, and then, say, rub your eyes, or scratch your nose, or (ew) lick your finger…what’s going to happen? Anyone, anyone, Bueller?  Yeah, I think you get the idea.

While I do accept the fact that I cannot prevent all illnesses, it sure as hell won’t be for lack of trying.  That doesn’t make me a germ-o-phobe, as much as some people might like to think. Frankly, if that were true, I wouldn’t even leave my house. I’m simply cautious, for one very simple reason: I DON’T LIKE BEING SICK! Do you? I didn’t think so. So I arm myself with my arsenal of preventive wisdom, and a little hand sanitizer, and I greet the world each day saying…

Welcome to the Germ Factory.

Since when did talking on the phone while grocery shopping become the chic  thing to do?! As if dealing with self-involved shoppers who drive their cart down the aisle like they’re the only ones in the entire store isn’t bad enough, no no. Now we have to put up with them screeching and hollering into their cell phone to boot. And are they blocking your access to the Pop Tarts? Well, uh, sorry, you’re going to have to hope and pray for a dropped call before it would even occur to them to get out of your way.

Whatever happened to the good old days, when going to the grocery store meant that the rudest thing you had to put up with was someone who was willing to arm wrestle you for the very last package of Buy One Get One Free 12 Roll Packs of toilet paper? Those days are long gone, my friend. Yesiree. Now they’ll not only arm wrestle you, but they’ll give the play-by-play of the whole scene to that BFF on the other end of the phone call, and they’ll be referring to you in less than flattering terms, as if you aren’t even standing just twelve inches away from them while they do it.

Don’t get me wrong, I think cell phones are great. And I will admit to having called the Hubs a time or two from the grocery store, asking if we need one gallon of milk or two. But I sure as heck don’t spend countless minutes chattering on and on about mindless drivel, completely oblivious to my own volume level, and all at the expense and annoyance of the rest of the shoppers, who clearly just want to get their groceries and go home.

Seriously. What is wrong with people? If you want to chat up your best friend while shopping, here’s an idea: bring them with you! Get in some real, quality, one-on-one face time, and get your shopping done all at the same time.  {They call that multi-tasking, I believe.} And then the real bonus is, the rest of us won’t have to hear you yelling into your cell phone, to your BFF, “Can you hear me now, from aisle 5?!”

Typos in books: Isn’t it someone’s job to make sure that doesn’t happen? I mean, they get paid for that, right? So basically, they are getting paid to make mistakes. Um, where can I sign up for that job?

Non-Removable Price Tags: I cannot stand when I buy something that I can’t get the price tag off of. What genius thought it was OK to stick a giant price tag on the cover of a book with adhesive so strong you could more likely permanently glue an elephant to the underside of a 747 than remove the sticker from the cover of a book? Someone needs to talk to the dang Post-It Notes guys and see what glue they’re using. Sheesh.

Celebrity Sex Videos: What is it with celebrities and their sex videos? Doesn’t being a celebrity kind of imply that you are one of the people that should never make a sex video?! And considering how quickly videos go viral on the Web, that should be a little bit of a wake-up call to the wanton celeb porn stars out there. Does their fame and money really impair their judgment that much? And do they really have nothing better to do? Maybe someone should just write a celebrity manual.

Rule #1: Don’t make a sex video.

Rule #2: If you do make a sex tape, don’t complain when it hits the Web and the evening news. (You’re famous, what the hell did you expect?!)

Rule #3: Apologize to your mother when you break Rule #1.

Tabloid Journalism: Isn’t that an oxymoron?!

Pop Up Tape: Really now, pop up tape? Come on, people. Have we gotten so lazy that we can’t even tear off a piece of tape from a roll dispenser? Heaven knows it takes an incredible amount of physical strength and exertion to tear scotch tape! Don’t strain yourself or anything.

And finally…Frozen Dinners: Just the idea of them boggles my mind. They’re basically leftovers that have been frozen and thrown into a cardboard box for the enjoyment of those with clearly discerning palates. I know a lot of people who won’t touch leftovers, but who love frozen dinners. What the heck is the difference? Oh yeah, you have to buy the frozen dinners.

This is what our society has evolved to, folks…being able to enjoy a frozen dinner while reading a book filled with typos and a torn cover,  created after you’ve spent an hour trying to remove a price tag that’s been affixed with super glue, and having to repair it with your handy dispenser of pop-up tape; afterward, you can catch up on all the literary masterpieces to be found in your favorite tabloid, which will surely also provide you with the website link of your favorite celebrity sex video.

God I love this country. ;o)

]]> http://www.tinalicious.com/things-i-dont-understand/typos-price-tags-and-elephants-oh-my/feed/ 0 http://www.tinalicious.com/have-blog-will-babble/random-things/ http://www.tinalicious.com/have-blog-will-babble/random-things/#comments Sat, 04 Jul 2009 16:59:49 +0000 Tinalicious http://www.tinalicious.com/?p=199 This is just a list of random things I don’t understand…

The TV Show, Operation Repo. Are we so hard up for new reality TV shows (because obviously, there aren’t enough of them already on the air) that we need to watch a show about cars getting repossessed?! It’s the same show every time, only the faces change: weird repo folk go to repossess some cars; car owners who haven’t made their payments get pissed off; car gets repo’d anyway. Uh-huh, yeah, that’s must see TV.

Why men can go around with their shirts off and that’s legal, but if women do it, they’d get arrested. Now let my clarify by saying, I don’t want women to be able to run around topless (though I’m sure most men would like that). But I don’t understand the sexist law that allows men to do so with no fear of consequences. Most men should not be topless anyway–it’s just not attractive, nor is it necessary! Is it really so unbearably hot that they can’t tolerate a sleeveless shirt like we women can? Puhleaze. Put on a freaking tank top and get over it already.

When it became acceptable to go out in public…in pajamas. Every time I turn around anymore, I see folks at the grocery store, at the video store, at the mall, you name it, wearing every manner of slumber attire. What is the deal here? Is it so much work to just throw on sweats and a t-shirt, if nothing else? Or do they think that we’re too stupid to see that they’re actually in their PJ’s? Or maybe, just maybe, they think they’re starting a hot new fashion trend? OK, unless you’re 4 years old, it ain’t cute, people. And it’s the exact opposite of a fashion statement. Act like a grown up and get dressed.

Weight loss infomercials in the wee hours of the morning. I was up at like 4am recently, and I was amazed at how many infomercials were on focusing on weight loss. They were on a disproportionately large number of channels. Infomercials about diets, exercise machines, pills, you name it. So my question is this: do they really think that fat people have nothing else to do at 4am? Or perhaps they think that fat folks crawl out of bed at that hour, to grab an early snack and maybe watch TV at the same time? Or do they just think that fat people only watch TV in the wee hours of the morning? I just can’t figure that out.

Email hoaxes that never die. I swear, it never ceases to amaze me how many times the same email hoaxes keep circling the planet over and over and over again, and how it’s possible that anyone has the nerve to forward them to all their friends, let alone believe what’s in them. You know the ones that tell you…your deodorant will cause cancer; your cell phone number is getting released to telemarketers; the Neiman Marcus cookie recipe; the guarantee of hundreds of dollars for forwarding a stupid email to ten of your closest friends. I’ve gotten these emails at least a hundred times each, along with almost every other stupid email hoax that’s ever seen the light of day. And why? Because some poor sap out there is forwarding the same email that ten of his closest gullible friends did, and their friends did, and so on, and so on, and so on. WAKE UP, WORLD! 99.9% of the crap you read about in an email is just that, crap! And the only reason it keeps resurfacing (some of it for over a decade!) is because you send it to all your friends instead of doing the only thing that should ever be done with it: DELETE IT!

OK, so there are my random things I don’t understand for today. And now there is a cup of coffee with my name on it and some real work to be done…after I delete a bunch of bogus emails.

Why do men hock up phlegm? And furthermore, how did they learn such a disgusting habit? I mean, really, do their dads pull them aside at a young age and teach them how to do that? Or are they genetically predisposed to such an excess of phlegm that it results in them hocking up those snotty wads? I have never once hocked up a loogie in my entire life. I can barely imagine it, let alone actually do it. Gross, man. Gross.

Why must they flip channels on the TV….so freaking much? The Hubs does it ad nauseam during every commercial break. And the hilarious part is, he will flip and flip and flip so much, that he will forget what channel he started on to begin with, which results in more flipping in order to find it! Commercials are annoying, I get that. But why is it so hard to just sit there and wait for the show you’re watching to come back on? Or how about taking a potty break or grabbing a little snack? Better yet, grab me one! My theory? Commitment Rebellion! Makes no difference if they’re in a committed relationship or not; either way, they want to rebel against commitment whenever possible, even if the behavior is completely subconscious! Think about it: if they flip the channels, they aren’t truly committed to the show they were watching–it gives them a sense of power freedom to flip through all 108 channels, even if they forget what they were watching in the process. And they avoid using turn signals for the same reason; Heaven forbid they should change their mind at the last minute…and have to turn the signal off (Lord knows how strenuous that would be!). And they sure can’t allow their driving to be controlled by a commitment…to traffic laws.

Why can’t they leave the thermostat alone? In my mind, the thermostat only needs two settings: 65 degrees in the winter (for heat) and 73 degrees in the summer (for air). If it were up to me, there’d be no changes and no in-betweens. The Hubs–like many men I know–has different ideas. The same guy that can work outside in 10 degree weather without ever getting chilled has to come home and wanna crank up the thermostat because he’s cold. WTH? He’s also the one sitting around in just a bathrobe or cotton pants with no shirt. Ummm….PUT SOME CLOTHES ON! And hey, grab me a snack while you’re at it…and leave the thermostat alone. Sheesh.

I’m sure I’ll continue on this topic again in the future. There are so many things I don’t understand about men, but my brain is turning to mush and needs a blogging break. One can only be so thoughtful and witty when the eyelids are winning the battle with the brain. G’night, all!