See you soon, Edward. Right there with about 8 billion other Twihards, both young and old(er).

Of course, all the Harry Potter, Interview with the Vampire, Blade, and Star Trek fans will probably thoroughly enjoy some of these jokes. But as a Twihard myself, what can I say. If it’s funny, it’s funny.

1. My New iPhone. Now I think I need to start off by saying that I’ve never had a “fancy” phone until I got this iPhone yesterday. I’ve always been a gimme-the-cheapest-thing-you’ve-got-but-looks-cute-kind-of-gal. As long as it works and isn’t the size of a shoe, almost any cellphone would normally do. But after my studio was robbed a couple of weeks ago, which left me sans a stereo, and after then realizing that my cell phone contract was ready for an upgrade,  it wasn’t too difficult to deduce [in my own smartass Sherlock sort of way] that an iPhone would be like killing two birds with one stone.

And so I begged asked the Hubs for an iPhone. And after a lot of little convincing, he caved generously offered to get me one. Yay! So now I am the proud owner of a brand new obsession iPhone. So I’m just a tad obsessed with it, since it’s all bright shiny and new at the moment. Call me crazy, but it sort of makes me want to shout, “I’VE ARRIVED” at the top of my lungs. Is that weird?

And speaking of dead birds…

2. Pink Plastic Flamingos. Not because I have them. Nor because I want them. But because I simply don’t understand them.  Why do people put those hideous things in their yards?  Who started this mad tradition of tacky plastic lawn decor? And more importantly…WHY?! Someone needs to put a stop it. What’s say we hire a pack of pissed off plastic Gnomes to do the job for us, eh? Last I heard they hate the flamingos too. Let’s face it: there’s only so much lawn space to go around.

3. Robert Pattinson’s Hair. [Now seriously, you didn't actually expect me to never mention RPattz in a post about My Obsessions, now did you?]  For real. His hair seems to have a life of its own most of the time. Not that I’m complaining. But it can be very distracting when I come across a photo of him. Sometimes I can’t help but stare for far too long. This is probably something only girls can relate to. Twihard girls, to be exact. You feel me, don’tcha, girls?

4. Secrets. No, not the hush, don’t tell kind of secrets. I’m talking about the song, Secrets, by One Republic. It’s just a freaking awesome song is all. Take a listen…by watching the the video on YouTube, if you like. In HD even.

Secrets, by One Republic

This song was also in the Nicolas Cage flick, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice. And since I have an ongoing obsession with Nic, that makes this song quite appropriate.

And what are YOU obsessed with this week?

The Hubs and I were were grocery shopping, and the grandson was along as well. That always makes for entertaining shopping misadventures right there. But things took a sharp turn into madness as we entered the Meat Department that fateful Friday evening. What we saw was simply shocking. Shameless. And seriously F’d up.

What was it, you ask? What got me so worked up in the Meat Department at Wally World that made me question not only their dress code, but also my faith in the future of America? Well, it looked a little something like this…

Reasonable Facscimile of the Wal Mart Employee

That’s right, people. It was an employee of the Wal Mart Meat Department. Stocking meat. In  Saggy Pants. Boxer shorts laid bare for the entire population of Wally World to see.

Yeah, so this is what a former teacher such as myself would call a teachable moment, considering the 7-year-old grandson was along. So I turned to him, unashamedly pointed out the saggy pants offender (hereafter to be known as the SPO), and said, “See that young man over there? This is exactly how NOT to dress in public.”

Dylan looked a tad mortified at what he saw, which made me feel rather proud. And then he just kind of giggled, as if he was genuinely embarrassed for the SPO. Which is a good sign, of course; at least it shows that Dylan not only understands what I was so irked about, it also shows he has compassion for others.

But I honestly had no compassion for that SPO at all. He is old enough to know that dressing like that in public is not only immature, demonstrating a total lack of self-respect, but also a lack of respect for his environment and everyone in it. I mean, his pants were down. His boxer-shorted-ass was hanging out. IN THE MEAT DEPARTMENT. Are there not Health Department codes put in place to protect the public from this kind of thing? And does this young man not have a supervisor or some other superior who should be making sure that he is dressed appropriately for food-handling?

Seriously. WTH?!

Would you want to buy your meat there, with employees who are dressed like that? I think not. Granted, if the employee looked like my favorite vampire, perhaps I’d be a little more forgiving.

Who am I kidding. Twlight be damned. Even seeing RPattz stocking meat at Wal Mart with saggy pants would piss me off! It’s gross! (Though isn’t it funny and yet predictable how I can work RPattz into a blog post about the Wal Mart Meat Department?)

I just have to end this by laughing a bit, thinking about Wal Mart’s little blue vests that beckon…

Help US, Wal Mart? REALLY? You can’t even help yourselves.

So today’s post will be my introduction to this linky party, Meet Me on Monday, which originated at the Never Growing Old blog. It includes 5 questions, and my ovation-worthy 5 answers, to be sure. It’s just a fun and easy way to get to know me a little better whether you want to or not and visit other blogs and get to know the authors better too. So read the questions and my answers. And then, if you’re interested, check out the other entries linked on the Never Growing Old blog.

1. Did you watch the Super Bowl?

Um, no. I don’t like football. In fact I don’t like any sports. And thank goodness, the Hubs doesn’t watch football either, because then I’d probably have to divorce him. Or something. Besides, there are so many better things to do than watching the Super Bowl. Like cutting my fingernails. Or flossing my teeth. Or hey, cleaning out the gunk from the  bathroom drain.

2. What is the last book you read?

That would be Nocturne, by Syrie James.

It’s a forbidden love story. And has a fantasy sort of element to it. And there’s, um, some blood involved. OK, OK, OK…it’s a vampire love story, alright?! I admit it. My Twilight-thing-turned-Edward-the-vampire-thing has sparked a propensity to seek out other vampire tales. Not only am I a Twilight-a-Holic, but I am apparently addicted to fiction of the general I-love-a-blood-sucker variety. Strange. But good. And true.

3. What is your favorite kind of cake?

Spice Cake is my absolute favorite kind of cake. I seldom eat any other kind, truth be told.

It’s so full of sweet, spicy goodness. What’s not to love? The fat? The carbs? The calories? Phhht.  You only live once, and if you can’t have a little piece of spice cake once in awhile, that ain’t living, my friends.

4. Do you snore?

Well, as I noted in My Friday Confessions recently, I do, in fact, and much to my dismay, and the greater dismay of the Hubs,  snore. It’s embarrassing, but not so embarrassing that I wouldn’t admit it. But I do wonder how many ladies out there snore…but lie about it and say they don’t. It’s like there’s a stigma attached to snoring, especially if you’re a woman. Because, you know, like we are somehow less of a lady if involuntary noises escape our mouths during sleep. As if.

5. Do you play an instrument.

I can almost play the piano. I took lessons…as an adult even. It had always been a dream of mine to learn to play. So a friend of my was giving me lessons, and I loved it. But then, as they say, life happens and priorities have to shift, and some dreams have to get left by the way side. Sniffle.  C’est la vie though, no? As Sean Connery always says…

Yeah, maybe Sean Connery doesn’t “always” say that. Maybe he’s never said it. But you can darn well bet that if he did, he’d be dayum sexy saying it. Admit it: even at age 80 (!) that dude is still hot.

There now, aren’t you glad you got to know me just a wee bit better today?

]]> http://www.tinalicious.com/twilight-a-holic/meet-me-on-monday/feed/ 4 http://www.tinalicious.com/twilight-a-holic/shower-scene-heard/ http://www.tinalicious.com/twilight-a-holic/shower-scene-heard/#comments Wed, 19 Jan 2011 07:39:09 +0000 Tinalicious http://www.tinalicious.com/?p=1478 So I was working late in my office (the home office, that is) doing cursed tax stuff that must be done by the end of the month.  I love taxes. [Yes, I'm lying.] They are so much fun. [Still lying.] And the Hubs was out working at the warehouse (a.k.a. his place of business).  It got to be after 10pm and I decided I was ready for a shower. So, off I went to lather up and wash off the stink of the day, as they say.

I was in the shower for a few minutes and you know, it’s noisy in there. Hard to hear things with the water running and me singing MJ’s Shake Your Body Down to the Ground and everything. But I managed to hear the Hubs coming in the house anyway. And while I’m washing away, I hear a few random hubby noises, and then I heard him poke his head in our bedroom and say this:

“Are you in there?”

I really had to take a little pause when he asked me this. It was a total WTF moment for me, right there in the middle of my lather, rinse, and no repeat routine (and if you want to know why I don’t “repeat,” you need to read Lather, Rinse, Repeat). I mean…I was in the shower, the water was running, all the bathroom lights were on, and all the bedroom lights were on.

Where. Else. Would. I. Be?

I was going to shoot back with, “Uh, no, no I’m not. I’m actually in Hawaii with a hot vampire named Edward and he’s washing my hair under a waterfall as we speak.”

But instead I said nothing. I figured I’d just let him founder in the uncertainty  and ponder my whereabouts for a little while longer, while I  indulged in my hair-washing-under-a-waterfall-with-Edward-fantasy.

A girl can have fantasies, am I right, ladies? Nothing wrong with a little H2O and Edward Cullen to go, thank you very much. And the Hubs doesn’t need to know that “hair washing” is just my Tinalicious code for kissing. Which, I really don’t wanna do anyway, of course. This is all just creative license…stuff I use to beef up the blog.

[OK, yes, I'm still lying.]

]]> http://www.tinalicious.com/twilight-a-holic/shower-scene-heard/feed/ 4 http://www.tinalicious.com/twilight-a-holic/almost-last-year-in-review/ http://www.tinalicious.com/twilight-a-holic/almost-last-year-in-review/#comments Sun, 02 Jan 2011 05:56:15 +0000 Tinalicious http://www.tinalicious.com/?p=1364 As I was reading a post from one of my favorite bloggers, Sandra at Absolutely Narcissism I couldn’t help but be inspired by the way she decided to blog about 2010–a Year in Review (sort of) post. She found some questions on another blog and posted her own replies in her post. So I decided to carry forward that theme and answer those same questions about 2010 in my own blog post. It will be my first post of this new year…and it’s almost last year in review. So here goes.

What did you do in 2010 that you’ve never done before?
Well, I turned 44. That is certainly something I don’t do everyday. I also took a walk on the wild side and installed RAM in my laptop. All by myself. Yeah, that’s right. I’m just crazy like that.

What countries did you visit?
Um, I visited America. And I’ll be doing that again this year as well. I’m the quintessential queen of short-distance traveling. No passport required.

What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

1. Income (money may not buy happiness, but last time I checked, it does help pay bills. And I have a serious art & craft addiction that must be fed from time to time).
2. Patience.
3. A new refrigerator (the Hubs has to get sick of me asking at some point and just freaking buy it for me already, right?!).
4. Less gray hair.
5. A smaller ass imprint when I get up from the couch.
6. And un-saggy breasts that are located about 5″ higher than where they reside right now.

(And not necessarily in that order.)

What was your biggest achievement this past year?
Cleaning and organizing my home office sometime around August…and managing to keep it clean and organized…until…September. Trust me. That is a major accomplishment for me.

What was the best thing you bought?
**crickets**
You’re not going to believe how much of a raging shopaholic I am. [Insert laughter here] I tend to buy three categories of things most of the time. 1) Books, 2) DVDs, 3) Art & Craft Supplies. So the best book I bought would probably be Fallen; the best DVD would likely be (nice to see you again, Edward) The Twilight Saga: New Moon; and any art supplies I can buy are always the best things I buy on any day–despite what the Hubs calls my “insane ability” to shop in Michaels or Hobby Lobby for 2-3 hours at a stretch. Yeah, that is one of my very special skills, baby.

Whose behavior merited celebration?
My daughter started Cosmetology School last year. And the day she started on the path that will lead me to getting free haircuts AND free highlights…that merits some serious celebration!

Whose behavior made you appalled and disgusted?
That answer is the same every year: The Freak Next Door. ‘Nough said.

What song will always remind you of 2010?
Hold My Hand, by Michael Jackson (with Akon), the first song from his first posthumous CD release, Michael. And not just because it will always remind me of him and the legacy he left us with. But also because the words make me think of everyone I love…my husband, my daughter, my grandchildren, my mother, my sister…and everyone else that’s dear to my heart…and how everything will be alright if they just hold my hand.

“So if you just
Hold my Hand
Baby I promise that I’ll do
All I can
Things will get better if you just
Hold my Hand
Nothing can come between us if you just
Hold, Hold my Hold my, Hold my Hand.”

What do you wish you’d done more of?
Body Surfing.
Piercings.
Reading.
Dusting.
Exploring the recesses of our HVAC system.

Only one of those things is true. I’ll leave it to you to figure out which one.

What do you wish you’d done less of?
Mind-reading.
Vulcan nerve pinches on my husband.
Brilliantly funny blogging.
Watching all the seasons of LOST on DVD.
Being right.

Again, only one of these things is true. Can you spot it?

Did you fall in love in 2010?
No. I didn’t fall in love in 2010. But I did fall back in love…with a certain pale-skinned, amber-eyed, sparkling hot blood-sucker named Edward. Does that count? I hope so. Because this is on my agenda for 2011 as well.

Who was the best new person you met?
Now this one is super easy: my granddaughter, Destiny.  I love her to pieces. She’ll be turning 1 on 1-11-11. That has got to be a good sign for the new year!

She is also absolute proof that you can wear horizontal stripes and look completely adorable.

So that is my almost, kinda, sorta last year in review on this, my very first post of the new year.

Pretty painless, wasn’t it?

]]> http://www.tinalicious.com/twilight-a-holic/almost-last-year-in-review/feed/ 2 http://www.tinalicious.com/twilight-a-holic/reality-checking/ http://www.tinalicious.com/twilight-a-holic/reality-checking/#comments Thu, 30 Dec 2010 20:41:04 +0000 Tinalicious http://www.tinalicious.com/?p=1352 You know, sometimes I feel like I’m still a kid. OK, well, maybe not a “kid,” but a teenager, to be sure.  It’s mostly when I’m staying up too late, or watching my favorite 80′s flicks (a certain Boom Box Serenade comes to mind), or jamming to some classic Michael Jackson. I just wrap myself in a little bit of denial and pretend I’m 30 or so years younger, and 50 pounds lighter, and sans any obnoxiously wiry gray hairs. No judgment, please. It’s not like I’m hiding in my room, smoking a joint, and trying to disguise the odor with air freshener or something! Not like I ever did that anyway.

Other times, I feel like I’m exactly my age. F-O-R-T-Y + F-O-U-R. That’s mostly when I’m paying bills, or cooking dinner while trying to wash some dishes and sort through the day’s mail all at the same time, or jamming to some classic Michael Jackson (what can I say, his music spans the ages). It’s not so bad being 44, right? I mean, there are worse things I could be. Like 84. And I like what my 44-year-old brain knows. There’s some  occasionally-whacked wisdom up there. There’s knowledge. And there’s that whole “knowledge-is-power-thing.” I wouldn’t trade all that for all the big hair and leg warmers of my youth, or for all the vampires named Edward in the world.

[Um, well, maybe that's taking it a bit too far there.  One can't be too hasty where Edward is concerned.]

But there also times when I feel O.L.D. And you know, not in the good way. Yesterday was a perfect example. I had gone to the bank to open a new checking account. Naturally, one of my former students was helping me, which automatically  makes me feel old.  Unfortunately, it didn’t stop there.

I was debating which kind of checking account to open. Apparently, there are like seven different kinds, all with different requirements, and as “Annie” rattled the requirements off to me I was feeling a bit overwhelmed.  So “Annie” was trying to help me narrow it down, but she kept pushing for the Merit Plus Checking. She mentioned it several times, so I was thinking it must be good and thought I might go with it. But being as that I am a visual person, I wanted to see the requirements on paper, so “Annie” gave me a brochure to help me in making a visual comparison, again suggesting that Merit Plus would be a great choice for me.

And then there it was. The moment I felt older than I’ve ever felt in my forty-four-year-old life. Right there in black and white…the second requirement for the Merit Plus Checking:

Must be age 50 or better.

WTH? This girl thinks I’m 50? Or “better?”

I am so not kidding when I tell you that I had to choke back at least one tear right there in the chair of that glass-enclosed cubicle that apparently has the heinous power to make banking customers look older than they are.  I. Was. Mortified.  Do I really look 50 years old? Is this girl for real?

That photo was taken about 6 months ago. And trust me. I can’t have aged that much in six months. That’s how I looked then. And that’s how I look now. I know I don’t look 20 or anything. But 50? Really?

And to make matters even worse, when I told her I wasn’t yet 50, it didn’t phase her at all. There were no outwardly signs of embarrassment for having aged me six years right in front of her. No apology for the arrow through my heart. Nothing. Unbelievable.

You know, I don’t really have a major problem with getting older. I don’t welcome it with open arms. I don’t celebrate every new gray hair. I don’t worship my ever-increasing wrinkle count or the skin that now sags in places that are more and more difficult to conceal. But, I don’t obsess about the aging process either. I’m getting older. I can’t stop that. Time marches on. And as Miss Truvy (a.ka. Dolly Parton) said in Steel Magnolias, “eventually you realize it’s marchin’ all over your face!”

Amen, Truvy. Amen.

But that being said, I certainly don’t want to be 50…before I am actually 50. Lord o’mercy. Let’s not freaking rush it.

So that was my dose of reality checking for yesterday. 50 for a day. What an F’d up interesting way to bring 2010 to a close, eh?  Should be interesting to see what 2011 brings.

]]> http://www.tinalicious.com/twilight-a-holic/reality-checking/feed/ 0 http://www.tinalicious.com/twilight-a-holic/mistletoe-meet-edward/ http://www.tinalicious.com/twilight-a-holic/mistletoe-meet-edward/#comments Sun, 12 Dec 2010 23:27:22 +0000 Tinalicious http://www.tinalicious.com/?p=1299 OK, so I just had this hankering [and I can't tell you how often I endeavor to use the word "hankering" in a blog post] to create an RPatz/Edward-themed graphic to post here on the blog for the holidays. It would have been so much easier to post graphics that I’ve seen on the web, but for an uptight perfectionist like myself, that would just never do.  So I created one myself for all you Twihards out there.

And since last year, RPatz was voted as the number one star we’d most like to kiss under the mistletoe, that served as my inspiration for the image below. Hope you like it. Feel free to snag it, if you want–but right-click and save it to your computer to do so. Please don’t hotlink to it, or sadly, I’ll have to delete this lovely face from the post all together. And that would be a real shame, no?

Team Edward. Probably goes without saying at this point.

If by some chance RPatz appears under your mistletoe this year, do send him over here when you’re through with him.

]]> http://www.tinalicious.com/twilight-a-holic/mistletoe-meet-edward/feed/ 2 http://www.tinalicious.com/twilight-a-holic/the-one-with-the-list/ http://www.tinalicious.com/twilight-a-holic/the-one-with-the-list/#comments Mon, 12 Jul 2010 08:38:46 +0000 Tinalicious http://www.tinalicious.com/?p=738 Not sure if I’ve mentioned this before, but FRIENDS is one of my all time favorite TV shows. I have every season of it on DVD. To say that I love it would be an understatement. Could I BE anymore of a fan? I think not.

Anyhoots, I got to thinking about my favorite episodes. There are so many of them, so that’s some serious thinking I was doing. But one of them is called, The One With Frank Jr, which I affectionately call, The One With the List. In this episode, Chandler tells the gang at the coffee house that David Copperfield is on Janice’s “freebie list,” meaning, the list of celebrities she’s allowed to sleep with. So the friends start discussing which celebrities they would each have on their own lists. Ross, of course, has to think on it and debate it forever and he gets stuck on Isabella Rossellini. He initially wants her to be on the list, but later removes her because she’s too “International.” So naturally, who should later walk into the coffee house but Ms. Is, and the best laughs of the episode ensue.  Classic Friends, I’m telling ya.

OK, so I’ve decided it might be fun to create my own freebie list. I’m sure the Hubs won’t care. He might be incredibly uninterested. And who knows, maybe he’ll want to give me his own list at some point. But anyway, it’s all in good fun, right? So why the hell not?

Now in the episode, they’re only allowed to have 5 celebs on their list, so that’s all I will have for now. But I figure I’ll probably want to change my list from time to time–I’m a girl don’tcha know. It’s my prerogative.  Case in point: Mel Gibson. For years that man would have been number one on my list. But now? Um, not so much. {Karma is a bitch, Mel, what can I say?}

So without further ado, here is The List.

Edward Cullen: The Vampire

Now I think it’s worth noting here that I’ve said Edward Cullen, and not Robert Pattinson. As with many Twi-Hards, I am hopelessly Team Edward, but I have no attraction at all to the actor who brings him to life (albeit an undead one) on the big screen. Eyes that change color. An appetite for blood. Skin that sparkles in the sunlight. What’s not to love? Does this make me weird? I don’t even care anymore. [No judgment, please. Ahem.]

Brad Pitt: The Stud Muffin

Now granted, these days Mr. Pitt is constantly sporting a ragged goatee and seems entirely in need of a new haircut…and a stylist. But if you don’t find that man sexy, I just don’t know what to say. I have no words.  If you need a reason, watch Troy again. That should do it for you. And since we’re talking fantasy here, if I’m going to get to sleep with Brad, I wouldn’t mind looking like Angelina for a day either!

Nicolas Cage: The Eccentric

It may not be obvious to the entire world, but it’s quite evident to me. It starts with his eyes and just kind of oozes out from there–hotness! And I love that he’s different, edgy, yeah, eccentric even. He is a bit of an enigma and I’m just drawn to him and have been for years. Need more explanation? See The Rock, Con Air, National Treasure, and Gone in 60 Seconds. He just had to be on The List.

Keanu Reeves: The Loner

He can stop speeding buses. He’s the key to unlocking the Matrix. And he knows a thing or two about adventure. So even though he does seem to be quite the loner in real life, he’s got that mysteriously-unapproachable-yet-come-hither-look about him. Not too pretty, but not too rugged-looking either. Just a hot, normal guy–who doesn’t seem to know he’s hot–and who is just as happy out of the spotlight, as he is when he’s making a movie that will net him just slightly more than minimum wage.  And you know, 20 years ago Keanu wouldn’t even have made it on my List. See how much I’ve evolved?

Josh Holloway: The Lostie

The only celebrity to take off his shirt on a regular basis more often than Taylor Lautner in a Twilight movie is Josh Holloway. And we are all the better for it. It was just a given among LOST fans that if Josh’s character, Sawyer, was going to be featured prominently in an episode, then we were more than likely going to see him shirtless at some point. And Hell, sometimes I think they had him take his shirt off just to please the female LOST fans all over the world, who were only too happy to indulge in some shirtless-Sawyer-skin-flashing against those beautiful Hawaiian backdrops. And as a little bonus, it helped to distract us from the awareness that we were all clueless as to what was  really going on in each episode.  Fan Confusion? Cue a shirtless Sawyer, and the collective sigh heard around the world.

OK, well, for now at least, that’s my List. And I’m curious now…who would be on your list? Drop me a comment and let me know!

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