Archive for the Category »WTH? «

Wanna Screw?

14 Jan 2010 | By admin

Now before you go and get your undies in a bunch, let me assure you that you should not take my post title literally. I’m only out to entertain, not to offend. ;o) So let us begin…

I was sitting at my desk, minding my own business (literally, I do have online businesses that I must mind on a daily basis), when whom should appear in my doorway? OK, yes, there’s only one other person that lives in this house, so logic alone would dictate that it was most likely the Hubs. He was smiling, and leaning up against the door frame in his usual I’m-just-here-to-make-my-presence-known sort of way.

We chit-chatted for a moment, in our typical old married couple  brand of shorthand.  No need for small talk, right?

He said: Hey

I said: What?

(Let’s face it: after 25 years of marriage, we can cut through most of the B.S. that couples of a younger generation so aptly call “conversation.”  As if.)

So then he says:  Guess what I did today?

Again, my succinct and ever so appropriate reply: What?

And then he holds up his hand, which clearly is adorned with a freshly adhered band-aid, and wiggles his fingers. So I’m thinking, he must have gotten a splinter, or perhaps cut himself on something, or any other number of infinite possibilities when you’re talking about a man who does plumbing and construction for a living.

But he says: I drilled a screw….into…my….finger.

Now as I’m picking my lower lip up off the floor, the Hubs proceeds to tell me that he not only drilled a screw…into his finger…but he drove it almost all the way in. And at this point, thinking that this story could certainly get no worse  and in no way more disgusting (that was, as always, a lapse in my own judgment—it can always get worse!), well…

He says: It was really hard to get out too; I had to…unscrew it…all the way out!

Now he is standing there, smiling, through this entire narrative, people…calm as a cucumber and seemingly pleased as punch. While I, on the other hand, have covered my mouth with my hand, developed a severe case of the heebie jeebies, and seriously considered emptying the contents of my quivering stomach into the nearest trash receptacle!

It’s the visual that kills me…the one I get in my head as he tells me the story, the one where I see him unscrewing a screw from the depth of his bleeding finger. It’s G-R-O-S-S!

And that’s the point. That’s why he’s smiling. For the effect that the story has on me.  Just picture him: he has the screw in his hand. He’s holding it up, and smiling at me. It just gives a whole new meaning to the phrase…

Wanna Screw?

And just as a final aside, after I typed that phrase, I decided to click on my Ask Edward widget while that question was still in my head (seemed appropriate at the time). Know what his reply was?

Keep dreaming. Not if I live a hundred thousand years.

Seriously, Edward. You know how to hurt a gal. Maybe it’s time I switched to Team Jacob.

Category: The Hubs and Me, WTH?  Tags: , ,  Leave a Comment

Who’s Who

04 Dec 2009 | By admin

Apparently, I’m somebody, according to Strathmore’s Who’s Who. I got a letter that confirms this, so hey, it must be true.

It is my pleasure to inform you that your information was reviewed and accepted for inclusion in the 2009 edition. Strathmore’s Who’s Who each year recognizes and selects key executives, professionals, and organizations in all disciplines and industries for outstanding business and professional achievements. Those who have reached a distinguished level of success in their chosen profession share this recognition.

OK, so, not only am I “distinguished,” but I also have “outstanding business and professional achievements.” That’s so interesting! I didn’t know that having a net income of $0 from my business was considered an outstanding business achievement! Holy heck, I’m doing better than I thought!

What’s next? Will Forbes be calling me for the next Fortune 500?!  And surely Oprah will want an interview to extol the merits of my highly tuned business acumen.  Perhaps even The Donald will be calling, wanting some insight from a clearly accomplished business professional.  Like, for real.

That letter from Strathmore made my day. Perhaps I should frame it and hang it on the wall alongside my other nonexistent awards and accolades, so that I can give my name the spotlight it deserves. But wait…what’s this? My name is nowhere on this letter. It’s not addressed to me at all. It says…Dear…Company Owner. Apparently, I’m so distinguished and accomplished that they can’t even address me by name?!

WTH?

What a racket.  I wish I had a dollar for every time I got one of these letters. (Seriously, that would add up to a LOT of money by now!) Yeah, they’re gonna put my name in a book alright. But the only way I’ll see it myself is to buy the damned book, which is, of course, the whole point of the letter.

Do people really fall for this? If so, I am definitely in the wrong business. And let’s not overlook the fact that this letter came…by fax, just as all news of professional accomplishment and achievement should come.

Not.

Gotta give props to the folks at Strathmore though. If they’re making money in this economy with this gimmick, more power to ‘em.  It’s the American way.

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To Pay or Not to Pay

26 Oct 2009 | By admin

That’s the question all right.

The Hubs and I recently switched cell phone carriers. We had one phone left under contract with our old carrier, so we decided to just let the contract run out, rather than pay the $250 cancellation fee–since we’d save a lot of money that way.

Our contract expired on the 7th, so I called the carrier and told them I want to cancel and close the account. No problem, right? Should be easy enough. Well, you know, idiots thrive in this world, and cell phone carriers are no exception. They tell me that they will close my account…at the end of my billing cycle date, which is the 22nd. So basically, I have to keep my account, for a phone I haven’t used in about three months, for another 2 weeks. OK. Fine, I tell them. And I figured we were done. But,  no.

First they want to share with me all the great offers I should take advantage of, now that my phone is paid off. I should get the pay-as-you-go plan, so that I can use the phone as a back up, if I need to. Or I should get a new monthly calling package and just start fresh with them. Well, um, “I already have a phone with another carrier,” I say. I don’t want to pay to have a “back up” phone,  nor do I wish to start over with them, thank you very much.  (Do they even live in the same economy that I do?!) So fine, they say that I’ll get my final bill soon after my regular billing cycle ends.

So yesterday I get the bill via email. And how much is it for? .01. That’s right, ONE CENT! And this is where I’m thinking, are you freaking kidding me? They are sending me a bill for a penny? WTH? Well, after much consideration, I’ve decided I have 3 options.

1. Print out the payment page, tape a penny to it, and mail them the bill with a carefully worded letter about the inanity of sending someone a bill for one cent. But you know, that would cost me .44 cents, not to mention I’d have to print out the bill and waste an envelope. This economy has taught me to be quite cheap frugal, if nothing else, so this is a less than ideal choice.

2. Ignore the bill all together, and wait to see how long it takes them to turn me over to collections FOR ONE CENT! You know they’d do it, right? They sooo would! This is America, after all, land of the free-for-alls and home of the seedy bill collectors. This is actually a plausible option though, if you think about it. When you send someone to collections, the collections agency gets at least half the money you are due, so basically the cell phone carrier would end up with about half of a cent. I’d love that! But not at the expense of my credit report, I don’t think.  So probably not worth it.

3. Use my online banking to send them a payment of  .02 cents. And why  .02 cents? Because if I send them .02 cents, they will have to refund me the overpayment, which would be .01 cent.  And since the cost of postage is .44 cents, they will actually lose money by sending me a refund check.  I’ll get my .01 cent overpayment back, but they will have just spent .44 cents to send it to me.

So yeah, I’m gonna go with option 3. They’ll get their one cent, but it’s gonna cost them to get it.  Just a little vindication for all the dropped calls, out-of-service times, and lack of carryover minutes we endured over the course of the last 4 years!

Sometimes, revenge is truly sweet.

Category: WTH?  One Comment

Barnes and Noble Blackout

12 Jul 2009 | By admin

So the Hubs and I went to Fort Wayne yesterday. I wanted to go through Hobby Lobby for some craft supplies and figured we’d eat in town while we were there. FW is an hour away, so we tend to make the most of it while we’re there.

After Hobby Lobby and a nice meal at Olive Garden, we were heading past the mall to head home when I spied Barnes and Noble. Now I’ve only ever been to B&N online; I honestly didn’t know they even had “real” stores. This one had to be fairly new because I know it wasn’t always there at the mall. I’m not into mall hopping anyway…just not my thing. But since we were right there and in no hurry to get home, I asked the Hubs to pull in so we could browse.

Now I don’t know about you, but I love book stores, and I avoid them most of the time for that very reason. I could easily spend hundreds of dollars in there in very short order. It’s kind of like how guys are in hardware stores or anyplace that carries tools. If I see some I want, I have to buy them. I just love books! But since I seldom actually have the hundreds of dollars to spend in there (and on this day it was certainly no different), I just don’t go in book stores too often. But since I’d never been into an actual B&N, I figured this would at least be worth the effort.

After scouring the parking lot for a parking space–which is never an easy task at that mall so it’s something I do not attempt too often–and then squeezing our car into one of the undersized mall parking spaces, we headed to the doors of B&N. We got to the entryway, which had several people kind of milling about in it, and noticed it looked kind of dark in the store. As we tried to make our way past the people, a store employee stopped to inform us:

“I’m sorry, but we’ve had a power outage and we are not letting customers inside the store. We do, however, have staff members on hand who will gladly browse for books for you and…”

OK, I stopped her right there. While in my mind I’m thinking nothing more than WTH?!, I just shrugged her off, said “no thanks” and headed back out the door from whence I entered.

I mean, are they kidding me? They are going to browse for books for me? How does that work exactly? Were they gonna send an employee into the dark belly of the store, have her randomly grab books, hold them up and holler back at me with, “How about this one?” And then I would, in turn, yell back, “Maybe, could you read me a couple of pages to see if I like it?” Um, yeah, I don’t think so.

Book shopping, except for the occasions when you’re only in a book store to buy one specific book, is a very personal experience. It’s not something someone else can do for you, and I’d think B&N staff would kind of know this. Why else do book stores have chairs and coffee shops in them? Perhaps because people are going to spend a bit of time in there…reading?

Apparently, the store had been without power since a thunderstorm passed through FW earlier that morning. And from what I could gather from other folks who had been talking to the B&N employees before our arrival, the employees had been standing at the doors all day telling every customer who showed up the same things they told us. We heard another customer say, “that’s a long time to be standing in the doorway.” Uh, ya think?

So my question is this, Barnes & Noble: why on earth didn’t you just put a sign on the front door that explained about the power outage, thereby preventing people from going through the hassle of trying to find an undersized parking space in a crowded mall parking lot and making the trek from their car to your front door, only to find out that they could not even go inside?!

Hmm. Maybe they were just afraid that people wouldn’t want to read their sign…because, um, you know, people that go to book stores…don’t like to read.

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One of Those WTH Moments at Dinner

12 Jun 2009 | By admin

The Hubs and I were out for dinner at a local eatery this evening, which is our usual Friday night routine. Our server was working in slow motion, at least from my perspective, and she was obviously not into her job. But she was pleasant enough…even when I had to ask for blue cheese dressing for my Buffalo Chicken Sandwich…for the third time. But I had to laugh at the moment she brought us our salads and asked:

“Would you like some silverware?”

My husband and I stared blankly at each other and then glanced down at the table, sans silverware, and simply replied, “Uh, yeah.”

WTH?!

Naturally, the evil voice in my head was saying, “No, no silverware, I think I’ll just stick my face in the bowl and suck up as much lettuce and tomatoes as I possibly can, and just hope that I don’t inhale a crouton in the process. Yes, I want some bleeping silverware…twit!”

Hmph.

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