Tinalicious

How can a blog post be boring if it’s got the word ‘Smurftastic’ in it? That’s my theory anyway, and I’m sticking with it. This Monday for me is a blogging day…and multiple blogs means multiple blog post duties. But here at Tinalicious I thought I’d wax nostalgic about my weekend. That really ought to make for a Smurftastic Monday blog post, now shouldn’t it?

The weekend was interesting for The Hubs and Me. We spent much of it with our grandson, Dylan, as our daughter got ready for her graduation party to celebrate her graduation from Cosmetology School. Yay! And I don’t just mean that because I can now get free haircuts for life. No, seriously. But clearly that’s a perk. I am not going to deny it.

Anyhoots…on Friday we took Dylan to the Asian Buffet. We occasionally spend our Date Night at the Asian Buffet. This is particularly true when Dylan joins us for Date Night, because he loves that place. The Hubs and I can only take Chinese food so often…I mean, you know, we just have to be in the mood for it. But Dylan is always in the mood for it. And he always eats the same exact things: meatballs, big giant football-shaped bread rolls, and lemon jello.

What? What’s that you say? That’s not Chinese food? Yeah. We know. But that’s what he wants to eat at the Asian Buffet, without fail. So he eats that while we eat the real Chinese food, which we consume in quantities befitting two hogs at their Chinese trough. Isn’t that what buffets are for? To be sure.

So after we stuffed ourselves on sweet and sour shrimp, fried rice, and General Tso’s Chicken (who the heck General Tso is I really don’t know–but his chicken is damn good), we awaited the best part of the meal: the fortune cookies. Now, I seldom eat the fortune cookie, the Hubs never does, and Dylan only occasionally does. We just want the “fortune” that’s inside it, which I seldom actually consider to be fortunes because, to me, fortunes should tell you something that is going to happen. But those little paper “fortunes” don’t often do that. Rather, they just say something ambiguous or metaphorical and it’s supposed to be somehow profound.  But most of the time they just make me laugh, or shake my head. Still, they’re fun to read, and after all, what is a meal of Chinese food without a fortune at the end of it? And my fortune was actually, amazingly, and weirdly spot on for once.

It read, “Great! You’re ready for a party!”

Since my daughter’s graduation party was the next day, that fortune couldn’t have been more accurate. For once. So what if the other 100 or so fortunes I’ve gotten in my life were nowhere near accurate, or even true “fortunes” in many cases. This one was absolutely dead on. So after I reveled in the amazement for a few moments, the next thought that came to mind was that if my fortune is going to be right for like, the first time ever, why couldn’t it have said this:

“Great! You’re going to lose 50 pounds, gain a financial windfall that will make you debt-free and give you financial freedom for the rest of your life, and you’ll finally understand all the mysteries of LOST!”

Now that would have been a great fortune! But oh well. Moving on. We took Dylan to see the Smurfs movie on Sunday. I absolutely loved the Smurfs when I was in high school. They were all the rage back in the day. And what’s not to love?

They are just as cute now as they were back then. Maybe even cuter, considering the state of movie technology these days. We loved the movie too. Fun story, lots of laughs for kids and adults, and lots of cute little blue Smurfs.

And oh yeah, before we left the theater I used the restroom. Little did I know that yet another “fortune” would be waiting for me there, taped to the back of the stall door. Now I don’t know who’s idea it was to post these things on all of the stall doors, and I’m not sure why they would either. I mean, it’s not like a person wants to linger too long on a public toilet. But then again, I guess it can’t hurt to have some reading material in there either. So anyway, here’s the toilet stall fortune that awaited me:

“The elevator to success is broken. You’ll have to take the stairs. One step at a time.”

So it was kind of profound, I’ll give it that. It gave me something to think about, which is never a bad thing when you’re taking care of business. And hey, it gave me something to blog about on this Smurftastic Monday.

I just have one question for this week’s WTF Wednesday:

How old is too old for a bikini?

Sometimes, photos really do speak for themselves.

Happy hump day, people!

Obviously, there are many Things I Don’t Understand. That’s a given. But one thing that really gnaws on my nerves is baggy pants on guys. It’s so annoying. These guys have what I call the ABCs: Ass Butt Crack Syndrome.

I mean, seriously. WTH?!

Baggy pants do not a fashion statement make. And surely Coco Chanel would agree.

I know I may be old. And I don’t exactly keep up with the fashion trends of the day. But I mean, come on, people. What is cool about your exposed underwear? Or worse yet, in some cases, your butt crack? It’s NOT cool! It’s not, I tell you.  It’s weird. It’s sloppy. And it’s ass-inine.

Let’s face the fashion reality that even un-trendy old gals like myself can understand: baggy pants are S-T-U-P-I-D! They don’t make you cool. They don’t make you hip. And I can prove it.

Exhibit A, Elvis: Cool King (Never wore baggy pants!)

Exhibit B, James Dean: Cool Rebel (Never wore baggy pants!)

Exhibit C, Johnny-You-Wish-You-Were-This-Cool-Depp (Oozes cool even when he’s a pirate and doesn’t wear baggy pants!)

If that’s not proof enough, answer me this, guys. Are you trying to hide something? I mean, back in the day, lots of men used to wear tight pants. And their tight pants, you know, showed stuff. And people thought it was just so tacky to just flash your jewels, so to speak. But at least we knew they had some jewels then. With baggy pants who the hell knows? So are you trying to just disguise the fact that you are, um, short-changed in the jewels department? Because honestly, that’s what I think when I see baggy pants on a guy–he has to be hiding his shortcomings.

Newsflash, guys: girls like to see the shape of your ass; they don’t want full view of your underwear. And they certainly don’t want to walk beside a guy who is so “cool” that he has to hold up his pants while he walks. As if. Girls want a guy with SWAG. Not bag or sag. And if you have baggy pants on you cannot have SWAG. E-V-E-R.

I just want to say that I was never really an Amy Winehouse fan…but I did appreciate her talent. It’s not shocking at all to me that she has passed away. When you live your life on a path of self-destruction, it’s rare to not end up where she did. But that doesn’t make it any less tragic. Or sad. I don’t like to see any young person leave this earth so soon, especially when they have so much potential. But I hope her tortured soul can find some peace now.

There’s a wonderful quote from Amy that I want to share, regarding Michael Jackson. I love that she was a fan.

“You know how you either grow up in a Michael Jackson house or a Prince house?” says Winehouse, whose accent reveals her north London roots. “For me it was Michael Jackson. I could never decide whether I wanted to be Michael Jackson or marry him. I don’t care what people say about him now because he’s a fucking genius. That’s it – the end! He was robbed of his childhood, which is why he surrounds himself with children. When you’re around kids you can be a little kid yourself and pretend that life is magic and you don’t have to be one of those sweaty people going to work every day. I completely see what he’s doing.”

~ Amy Winehouse.

RIP, Amy.

September 14, 1983 – July 23, 2011

Say hi to Michael for me.

OK, I’m gonna start off by saying that I’m kind of obsessed with all things Hollywood and celebrity. It has fascinated me ever since I was a little girl. It just clicks with me, who knows why? But it does. So I’m all about the celebrity news of the day, whatever that might be. And I’m not just talking about Robert Pattinson here either, folks.

I also want to preface this all by saying that as much as I’m into celeb news and such, I don’t ever often get lucky enough to meet any real live celebrities. The closest I’ve ever really gotten to a brush with fame was when Harrison Ford flew his small plane into the local county airport in need of some slight engine repair, when a friend of the Hubs’ worked there. Did I meet Harrison Ford? No, dammit!. But hey, I was within 10 miles of him, which is closer than most regular folk ever get to a star of his stature, no? So it counts.  Sort of.

So imagine my elation surprise when I heard the story about a friend of a friend, who was at an airport recently (and it’s totally coincidental that this story also involves an airport–though not the same one). She was minding her business, passing the time, looking around, as anyone would when sitting in an airport. But she soon realized that she was sitting next to someone quite famous. And not just D-List-famous like Kathy Griffin, mind you. We’re talking seriously big star here. And when he got up to walk away, she managed to get a picture.

Care to take a guess?

Click to Enlarge

I know, I know. It’s difficult to recognize him, considering he’s photographed more often with his shirt off (thank you, God) than with it on. Give up? If you haven’t figured it out, maybe this will help you…

Yes. That is Matthew-freaking-hot-McConaughey. Matthew. McConaughey! Why doesn’t this kind of thing ever happen to me???!!! Wahhhhhh.

OK, I’ll calm down. And I’ll take what comfort I can in the fact that it was Matthew, and NOT Robert Pattinson. Because if I know someone, who knows someone, who sat next to Robert Pattinson in an airport, I think I’d just sort of die a little bit inside.

Still, you have to admit that Matthew is H-O-T. Even with his shirt on. And I sure wouldn’t complain if he was sitting next to me in an airport. Hell, he could spill something all over me and it probably wouldn’t phase me at all. That’s just how I roll. Well, when I’m sitting next to a celebrity anyway.

So anyhoots, post title aside, I guess this wasn’t really exactly my brush with fame. But at least I can say I know someone, who knows someone, who sat next to Matthew McConaughey at an airport one day. And that’s probably as close as I’m ever gonna get.

Really, just because I am a completely obsessed fan of Twilight and Edward/RPattz, it doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy a good laugh at their expense on occasion. Sometimes I come across the funniest Twilight-Edward-vampire jokes, so I just thought I’d share some of my favorites. Hopefully you’ll get a chuckle or two yourself.

Of course, all the Harry Potter, Interview with the Vampire, Blade, and Star Trek fans will probably thoroughly enjoy some of these jokes. But as a Twihard myself, what can I say. If it’s funny, it’s funny.