Hope you have a fantastic, and fart-free, Monday, y’all.

I confess…

I am addicted to blogging, cheese, Michael Jackson, the Food Network, and  a vampire named Edward Cullen [a fictional character who is older than me, though the actor who plays him is young enough to be my son]. And not necessarily in that order. That doesn’t make me…weird. Does it?

I confess…

On occasion I pick my nose. Now close your mouth and wipe the look of feigned horror from your face and don’t try to pretend like you don’t do it too. At least sometimes. We ALL do it. Maybe not in public, and thank God for that. But we do DO it.

I confess…

I almost always fart within 5 minutes of getting up in the morning. Now I’m not sure what that says about my internal disposition, but hey, better out than in, I always say.

I confess…

I make fun of people who wear spandex.

For obvious reasons.

I confess…

I know you’re going to click that last photo to enlarge it.

For the same reason I did.

Which will go without saying.

But we all know what it is.

And it’s OK. Being a perv curious sometimes is just human nature.

And I won’t tell if you won’t.

]]> http://www.tinalicious.com/friday-confessions/my-first-friday-confessional/feed/ 6 http://www.tinalicious.com/the-hubs-and-me/adventures-in-the-air-freshener-aisle/ http://www.tinalicious.com/the-hubs-and-me/adventures-in-the-air-freshener-aisle/#comments Sun, 14 Nov 2010 21:04:52 +0000 Tinalicious http://www.tinalicious.com/?p=1188 The story I’m about to tell you is real and true. No names will be changed to protect the innocent, because the Hubs is anything but innocent.

So The Hubs and I were shopping at Wally World on Friday, as per our usual Friday night routine. We had our 7-year-old grandson, Dylan with us, as we do every other Friday. You would think that a grown man would use the quality shopping time we share with Dylan to set a good example and behave as any good grandpa would. But does he? Um, no.

Part of the shopping routine for the Hubs and his pint-sized cohort in crime is to find appropriate sized grocery items that they can use to play catch with. And once they find a good item they proceed to toss said item back and forth to each other as we make our way up and down the aisles. Never mind the fact that the person pushing the cart [yes, me] often ends up in the line of fire, turning their all-for-the-sake-of-fun-so-lighten-up-grandma-game into a game of dodge the deodorant…but they also often come just this shy of pelting complete strangers with rogue projectiles in the form of cereal boxes or packages of paper towels.

OK, so I’m used to their little game of catch. And I’ve become fairly adept at ignoring their juvenile carefree behavior, or pretending that I don’t know them, as the need arises. And I guess it could be worse, right? I’m sure there are much more embarrassing things that they–or the Hubs–could do, no? Well, of course there are,  or else there would be nothing to serve as fodder for my blog on this fine Sunday afternoon.

So you just need to picture me, pushing my cart, turning to look for Dylan behind me, and then navigating the turn into the air freshener aisle to find the Hubs. He’s standing there, smiling. And he sort of looks like the Cheshire Cat the way he’s grinning.

No, not this one…

More like this…

I think we can all agree that a guy does not stand in a grocery store aisle, leaning his arm on a shelf full of air fresheners, wearing a big Cheshire-Cat-Grin for no reason. Of course there is a reason, and before I even had time to ponder what that reason might be, the Hubs enlightens me.

“Good thing this aisle is full of air fresheners.”

In appraising his stance, with hiss ass up against the shelves, it takes me less than a second to realize that the Hubs has indeed just farted. In the grocery store. Right up against the vast array of air fresheners.

Yes, a very fine example to be set for the grandson, and the perfect lesson  in anal emission etiquette at the same time (you gotta love a double-duty-tooty): if you’re going to fart in the grocery section at Wally World, at least have the decency to do it in the air freshener aisle. And be sure your ass is right up against the shelves, so as to look as inconspicuous as possible while your gaseous expulsion permeates the shelves.

So that was my Friday, and now it’s your Sunday.

Enjoy!

I also wanted to share a funny little tidbit from the world of grandparenthood as well. My grandson, Dylan spent the night recently, which he doesn’t do so often anymore so it’s a treat when he does. Anyhoots, he needed a bath so I got him in my tub. This is something he really enjoys, because, well, I have a really big tub.  I also have a TV at the foot of the tub, and I’m sure the ability to bathe while watching Sponge Bob has a little something to do with his sudden affection for bath time at gramma’s house.  And FYI: Sponge Bob can be equally entertaining to bathing adults. Just sayin.

So he was in the tub and I decided to brush my teeth. So I’m brushing away when I hear him giggling repeatedly. I looked myself up and down to make sure that I was not the subject of his prolonged amusement, and I couldn’t find anything amiss (nothing out of the ordinary anyway). And just about the time I finished the rinse and spit routine in the sink, he finally enlightens me.

“Gramma, gramma…guess what? I can make my own bubbles. Watch.”

Can you guess where this is going, folks? Sure enough, Dylan has discovered that age-old practice of farting in the bathtub, which naturally creates bubbles…albeit temporary ones.  I couldn’t help but laugh as he beamed at his new-found discovery.  From the sound of his giggles echoing through the bathroom, I’d say this was the highlight of his day….and mine.

Face it: sometimes, farts are funny. Admit it. Come on.

I hear you laughing.

]]> http://www.tinalicious.com/have-blog-will-babble/revamped-the-blog/feed/ 2 http://www.tinalicious.com/have-blog-will-babble/excuse-me/ http://www.tinalicious.com/have-blog-will-babble/excuse-me/#comments Sat, 25 Jul 2009 04:04:45 +0000 Tinalicious http://www.tinalicious.com/?p=306 There’s that saying, “Kids say the darndest things.” It’s so true, and my grandson, Dylan proves it almost every day. His mommy, along with the Hubs and I, have tried to teach him proper etiquette. Saying please and thank you and a million other things.

One thing I’ve always been big on is the use of “excuse me.” You know, sometimes your body has natural functions that can’t always be controlled. (Better out than in, if you know what I mean). And when something sneaks out, we’ve taught Dylan to say, “excuse me.” It’s just good manners, after all. And he’ really good about saying it…in his own way.

You see, he will almost always say “excuse me,” but not without an explanation of what he’s done. So, for example, we were out to eat this evening, and a little something managed to sneak out of his pint sized body. So what does he say, and loudly enough for all the surrounding restaurant patrons to hear?

“Excuse me…I farted.”

And the Hubs and I embarrassingly add, in perfect unison, “Shhhhhhhhhh!”

Yep, that’s my grandson for you. He can’t just say excuse me, and stop right there. No, no, he has to let you know WHY he’s saying excuse me too. I guess it’s only fair, in his mind, to give everyone the proper heads up (especially in a restaurant). And right now, since he’s 5 years old, it’s still funny, even kind of cute. But heaven help us if he’s 15 and still doing that!

Uh huh, out of the mouths (and orifices) of babes.