I’m not talking about…

Nor am I talking about…

Granted, I am obsessed with those men. Why wouldn’t I be? Look. At. Them. If RPattz and Bad era MJ don’t qualify as obsessive material, I don’t know what (or who) does! But they’re just not what (or who) I’m talking about right now.

No, you see, right now, I’m talking about Johnny. And not the Johnny I’m married to either (although I do have a healthy obsession with him too, I must say, even after 29 years with the guy). I’m talking about the one and only Johnny Depp. Just face it. He’s yummy.

Don’t you agree?!

If those two delicious photos don’t convince you, then I have one last little piece of proof positive that Johnny Depp is the very definition of the sexy-obsession-worth celebrity. Please pay close attention to his face.

Dayum, Johnny. Just dayum.

So that’s my latest obsession. And really, it could be worse. I mean, I could be obsessed with solving quadratic equations.

Now that would be weird.

OK, so in my dream, I had moved into a new house. But it wasn’t a house really. It was a trailer. A very crappy trailer. I remember noticing that the living room floor was sagging down rather sharply on one side. In the dream I stood there for a moment and made a mental note of this observation…as if it was somehow important. Sagging floor? Check.

Then I turned and walked to a nearby record player that was built into one of the walls. A record player. You know, that ancient device that would spin large discs filled with music at approximately 33rpm’s. The one in my dream looked sort of like this:

The record player had been hinged to the wall somehow, so that it could be tucked away when not in use. This sounds like something I would indeed do…if I lived in a trailer. You know, as a space-saver. Again it seemed important. Record player? Check.

So anyhoots, I put a record on the record player and music started to play. But I couldn’t figure out what song it was. And as I was standing there, listening, and trying to figure out what song I was hearing, Johnny Depp walked in the front door. There were 3 other people in the room, one of whom was my husband, but the other two were faceless (clearly they were friends from the trailer park I must be living in while in the dream–though they weren’t significant enough to me to have faces…and they were carrying spatulas for some reason).  Johnny smiled at the Hubs and all but ignored the two faceless friends as he walked past them. He was heading straight to me.

Johnny stopped right in front of me. I said, “Hello,” but he didn’t speak. He just picked up my hand and kissed it. Then he walked to the record player and started tapping his foot in time to the music. Obviously he knew the song, so I asked him what it was. But naturally, he didn’t answer. Apparently sexy celebs don’t need to talk in my dreams; they are there purely as eye candy. Natch. After he listened to the tune for a bit he walked over to a nearby piano. Why there’s a piano there I really don’t know because I don’t play, and neither does anyone else I know. But Johnny does, in my dream at least, and so he did. Imagine this, if you will…

Johnny played a song on the piano…again, it was unrecognizable to me. The faceless friends just stared. The Hubs offered him some spaghetti. What else would you offer a celebrity in your dreams, after all? And I do make darn good spaghetti, if I do say so myself. He declined the spaghetti though with a simple shake of his head and finished his song. Then he got up and walked back over to me. He looked me dead in the eye, and he smiled. Oh my gawd, his smile was beautiful. And with absolutely no control over my own facial muscles at that point, in the presence of this famously fabulous and not-too-hard-on-the-eyes male being,  I smiled right back.

Then Johnny opened his mouth to say something. I was mesmerized, and waited for whatever words were going to come forth from his lips, which were a mere 12 inches (or less!) away from me. He leaned in close…closer, and then he whispered to me.

“You had me at ‘Hello.’”

Cheesy but classic movie line from the hot celeb in my dream? Check.

Then I heard a microwave beeping and when I turned to look in its direction, Johnny disappeared. And then I woke up. Stupid microwave. As if it doesn’t annoy me enough in my waking moments, it has to taunt me in my dreams as well. Who knows what might have happened next, if that damn microwave hadn’t started beeping!

On the plus side, I learned some important things as a result of my dream-state brush with fame.

1. That a sagging living room floor might seem important in a dream, but it’s really not.

2. That old record players can be tucked away into walls with the proper ingenuity and carpentry know-how.

3. And that cheesy movie lines are just as effective in dreams as they are in the movies, especially when uttered by the one and only Johnny Depp.

Who says you can’t learn anything while you sleep, eh?

]]> http://www.tinalicious.com/the-hubs-and-me/my-night-with-johnny-depp/feed/ 0 http://www.tinalicious.com/wth/abcs-of-baggy-pants/ http://www.tinalicious.com/wth/abcs-of-baggy-pants/#comments Sun, 24 Jul 2011 00:03:56 +0000 Tinalicious http://www.tinalicious.com/?p=2037 Obviously, there are many Things I Don’t Understand. That’s a given. But one thing that really gnaws on my nerves is baggy pants on guys. It’s so annoying. These guys have what I call the ABCs: Ass Butt Crack Syndrome.

I mean, seriously. WTH?!

Baggy pants do not a fashion statement make. And surely Coco Chanel would agree.

I know I may be old. And I don’t exactly keep up with the fashion trends of the day. But I mean, come on, people. What is cool about your exposed underwear? Or worse yet, in some cases, your butt crack? It’s NOT cool! It’s not, I tell you.  It’s weird. It’s sloppy. And it’s ass-inine.

Let’s face the fashion reality that even un-trendy old gals like myself can understand: baggy pants are S-T-U-P-I-D! They don’t make you cool. They don’t make you hip. And I can prove it.

Exhibit A, Elvis: Cool King (Never wore baggy pants!)

Exhibit B, James Dean: Cool Rebel (Never wore baggy pants!)

Exhibit C, Johnny-You-Wish-You-Were-This-Cool-Depp (Oozes cool even when he’s a pirate and doesn’t wear baggy pants!)

If that’s not proof enough, answer me this, guys. Are you trying to hide something? I mean, back in the day, lots of men used to wear tight pants. And their tight pants, you know, showed stuff. And people thought it was just so tacky to just flash your jewels, so to speak. But at least we knew they had some jewels then. With baggy pants who the hell knows? So are you trying to just disguise the fact that you are, um, short-changed in the jewels department? Because honestly, that’s what I think when I see baggy pants on a guy–he has to be hiding his shortcomings.

Newsflash, guys: girls like to see the shape of your ass; they don’t want full view of your underwear. And they certainly don’t want to walk beside a guy who is so “cool” that he has to hold up his pants while he walks. As if. Girls want a guy with SWAG. Not bag or sag. And if you have baggy pants on you cannot have SWAG. E-V-E-R.

]]> http://www.tinalicious.com/wth/abcs-of-baggy-pants/feed/ 1 http://www.tinalicious.com/macro-mania/a-monday-pirate-macro/ http://www.tinalicious.com/macro-mania/a-monday-pirate-macro/#comments Mon, 27 Jun 2011 18:23:25 +0000 Tinalicious http://www.tinalicious.com/?p=1985 No MJ Macros for this Monday folks. I decided that I want to post funny macros about any and all my fave celebs and other things, and not limit it to just Michael Jackson. So when I saw this macro on Tumblr today, and it made me LOL, I decided to share it on Tinalicious.

I love Johnny Depp, and I love Captain Jack Sparrow. What’s not to love about either? They’re both hot. They’re both funny. They’re both talented. And they both appear in today’s macro. Enjoy!

1. Fairies. And I mean the politically correct fantasy-type fairies. Let’s just say I have a thing for the “week folks.”  And I’m utterly convinced they’re the ones stealing socks from my dryer. I’ve even captured one in the act. I’m holding her for ransom until all my socks are returned.

2. Colored Paper Clips. Why? Because regular paper clips are boring, boring, boring. And colored paper clips are fun, fun, fun! [Or something that sounds less crazy.]

3. Real Housewives of…OK, I’m obsessed with a few of these shows: Orange County, New Jersey, Beverly Hills, and New York..and yes, in that very order.  Some may call it reality TV. I call it mindless escapism into the world of the under-censored and overly-privileged that somehow manages to make me feel better about my own life. There’s actually no logical reason why I like these shows, but hey, I do. And I’m not totally ashamed of that fact. You gotta problem with that? Don’t make me go Jersey on your a$$ and flip a table on you or something.

4. Buying Books I Don’t Have Enough Time to Read. Since I baby-sit my granddaughter for most of the week, in addition to helping the Hubs with his biz, running some online businesses of my own, working for a web host, getting creative in my studio, taking care of the house, cooking, paying bills, and, oh yeah, a little thing called blogging, I don’t have a lot of time left over to read. I love to read. But with my time being much less my own, I find myself able to read less–only it doesn’t actually stop me from buying books. My reasoning is that someday I won’t need to baby-sit anymore (or at least, not so much), and that will free up more of my days. It will also free up more of my nights, since as it is now, I do everything at night that I don’t have time to do while baby-sitting during the day. Got that so far?  Bottom line is that at some point, I’m gonna have lots more time to read. And I want to have books I want to read when that time finally arrives. But oy, in the mean time…it’s interesting trying to find space for all the books!

5. This Gif of Cap’n Jack Sparrow.

I don’t know why I’m obsessed with it. But I am. And it’s, you know, Johnny Depp. As my favorite pirate. Cap’n Jack. Isn’t that enough reason?

So there are 5 obsessions for this week. See? You know me better already.

Tom Hanks on Bosom Buddies

Seriously, who can forget the TV show that brought us the two guys who had to dress like women to live in an all female apartment building to have an affordable place to live. Yes, really!

Kip Wilson and his alter ego Buffy Wilson were played by Tom Hanks. His friend Henry Desmond and his alter ego Hildegarde were played by Peter Scolari.  Buffy and Hildegarde were supposed to be Kip and Henry’s sisters.  Quite the striking resemblance to their siblings, to be sure. The show only lasted a few seasons, but it sparked a really BIG career for Tom Hanks.

George Clooney on Facts of Life

I used to love the Facts of Life, the show about the all girls boarding school. Who can forget miss perfect snooty, Blair;  the tomboy, Jo, who loved to give Blair a hard time; cutie Miss Tooty, who spent a lot of time on roller skates in the first season or two; and the funny girl we all loved, Natalie. I was a teenager, and they were teenagers, so of course I loved them.

I also loved the first time I saw the handyman character, George  Burnett (who didn’t appear until a later season), who was played by none other than future Oscar winner, George Clooney. His role was fairly minimal, only making occasional appearances. But hey, he got noticed (and I don’t mean by just me). He later appeared on Roseanne and that little medical drama, what was it called? Oh yeah, ER. And the rest, as they say, is history.

Leonardo DiCaprio on Growing Pains

Growing Pains is known for launching the career, and teen heartthrob status, of its teen star, Kirk Cameron (brother of Candace Cameron, one of the stars of the 80′s show, Full House). But it also gave a helping hand to a then up-and-comer with a very long name: Leonardo DiCaprio.

Leo’s character, Luke Brower, didn’t appear until the show’s 7th season. He was a complete unknown at the time. The show had sank in the ratings by this time, and Leo’s character was an attempt to give it a jump start. It didn’t work for the show, but hey, it worked for Leo. He went on to star in (need I say it?) Titanic, and while that ship sank too, the movie sure didn’t. And Leo’s film career has been sailing on ever since.

Johnny Depp on 21 Jump Street

I think I have to be one of the few people who didn’t watch 21 Jump Street. Not sure why I didn’t watch it, but I definitely knew of the show, and of one of its stars in particular, Johnny Depp. You kind of had to be living under a rock not to know about that show and its stars. Their faces were all over the place.

The show was a police drama, about young looking police officers, who went undercover to investigate crimes in high schools and other teen hangouts. There wasn’t much undercover about Depp’s career though, which this show helped to catapult. He also became a teen idol, which he apparently detested being, so he left  after the 4th season. Depp has appeared in a lot of movies since then, but he didn’t win my heart until he became Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean. Come on, who doesn’t love a pirate? Savvy?

Bruce Willis on Moonlighting

Before he was kicking ass on Die Hard, before he was saving the world in Armageddon, before he was Unbreakable, Bruce Willis was my favorite PI in the 80′s show,  Moonlighting.

Bruce played David Addison, who partners up with Maddie Hayes, played by Cybill Shepherd; she is a former model and owner of the agency. She was swindled by her investment adviser, who took off with all her money and left her with only the detective agency. I think the show was good because of the chemistry between David and Maddie, which is kind of funny, considering that at the time, rumor had it the two of them couldn’t really stand each other in real life. But you know what they say, there’s a fine line between love and hate, and the show worked great until the two characters finally consummated their relationship. Not long after, the show pretty much dissolved into TV nothingness. But hey, Bruce’s moonlighting days are long over. I’d say he’s made a pretty good name for himself. And rumor has it that Die Hard 5 is coming to a theater near you in 2012. Yippee-ki-yay, mother f****r!