Wednesday, August 20, 2014

WTF Wednesday Meets Murphys Law

I never really thought I'd be cross-categorizing my posts, but hey, that's just the kind of gal I am. And while this blog post didn't really occur to me when I was crying--yes, CRYING--over a broken cutting board today, it will at least serve as a reminder that Murphy's Law can never be escaped. 

Even on WTF Wednesday.

So I was in the kitchen, putting the final touches on dinner: rice, green beans, and pork roast. It smelled yummy. And I was really hungry. So I can only assume that it was my always-overactive appetite and food-fueled excitement that led to the catastrophe at hand.

I lifted the lid off of my cast iron pot that contained said pork roast. 

I moved my hand to the right of the stove, toward the cutting board that always sits on the counter there, with the lid in hand--so that I could put the lid on the cutting board. It was hot, after all, and I needed to protect the counter.

Well apparently that was the precise moment that Mr. Murphy decided rear his ugly head just long enough to make me to drop the cast iron lid...breaking my cutting board.

So what's the big deal, you ask? It's only a cutting board, right?

Um, No. A thousand emphatic and pathetically tear-covered NO's!

This was my only cutting board--and it was a cutting board I've had for over 27 years. It was made by Corning--an all white rectangle of kitchen counter-protecting perfection. It used to look like this:

Corning Cutting Board

Until I dropped that stupid cast iron lid onto it and silently screamed in what seemed like slow motion...WTF?!

I can't even show you the AFTER photo--it's too horrific to share. It was just lying there, shattered into shards of white Corning shrapnel...as Mr. Murphy sat in the corner and laughed his evil and deeply disturbed ass off. 

Oh yes, I cried. And I'm not ashamed. That cutting board has a history. They don't even make those anymore! Which of course is why I'm bidding on another one on Ebay as I type this! I loved that cutting board. It was perfect, and never scratched or anything. Even my mom loved it--she commented on it often when she would visit me. And on more than one occasion she mentioned wishing she had one.

Which reminds me: last year the Hubs and I went to a garage sale. We've been to a lot of garage sales over the years, and in all these years I never, ever, not even once, saw another of these Corning cutting boards at one. I always figured that if I did, I'd get it and send it to my mom. But I never saw one. Until. Last. Year. I actually cried at that garage sale too--simply because my mom passed away in the year prior, so I had no need to find one anymore. And I just couldn't understand why I would finally, after all of these years, find another Corning cutting board AFTER my my mom passed away. Something tells me that not-so-dear old Murphy had something to do with that too. Sick bastard.

Anyway, my aged-to-perfection, pristine white Corning cutting board is now dead and awaiting a proper burial [also known as trash pick-up day]. But if I'm lucky, I'll have a brand new, old Corning cutting board in my position again soon, with a little help from Ebay and company. The new one probably won't be white though. I couldn't find an all white one, but I did find one that has a little bird motif on it. It looks like this:

Corning Cutting Board Ebay

And why that one, you might ask? Because that little motif is the exact motif that my mom's very first set of Corning Ware had. So whenever I use it, it will make me think of her...instead of this awful WTF Wednesday, brought to my kitchen courtesy of Murphy's Law.

Take that, Mr. Murphy.

Monday, August 11, 2014

Keep the Angels Laughing, Robin

I was really shocked and saddened to learn the news of the death of Robin Williams today. I grew up with Mork and Mindy--it was must-see TV for me when it was on the air. Robin was a true original, completely unique and full of life. Many of his movies are my favorites. I just watched Dead Poets Society a few weeks ago and it was just as good as the first time I watched it so many years ago.

What can we say really about a man who gave us so many laughs, so many great movie roles, and so many memories? His life ended too soon. But his legacy of love and laughter will live on through his family, his films, and his fans.

His death is tragic, and may just serve as a reminder that those with the biggest smiles often hide the deepest pain.

Rest in Peace, Robin. Keep the angels laughing, as only you can. And if you get a chance, say hello to my mom for me.

Robin Williams


Not Your Average Wiener

As I was shopping at the grocery store the other day, I happened upon a jar of wieners.

What's that you ask? Did I just say a jar of wieners?

Why, yes, yes I did.

But they aren't just ANY wieners. No, no. They are Germany's #1 brand of "extra crunchy" wieners. [Is there any other kind?] That's right. Packed in brine and selling for the low, low price of $6.29.

Really? I mean, dare I say it...

WTH?!

Pork Wieners in a Jar

Maybe it's just me, but I find this rather odd. And I'm not sure what is more disturbing to me: the fact that these wieners are in a jar; or, the fact that they are "extra crunchy" and packed in brine to boot.

Dude. Wieners should not be a jar. Nor should they be crunchy. Like, ever.

Unacceptable

And come on now, $6.29? For FIVE crunchy wieners? 

Are you kidding me

Seriously. No wiener is worth that. None of them. 

But hey, it did make for an interesting trip to the grocery store. And a blog post. That's something.

Friday, August 1, 2014

Flip It - Flip it Good

Friday Flip Offs MJ

It's been awhile since I've done any Friday Flip-Offs, so I figure I'm overdue. Please join me in my unnecessary rantics and acts of utter whinery, won't you?

1.  Flip Off, Facebook. Yeah, for being down today. It was a horror-filled few moments, I gotta tell you. I'm not sure how I made it through without a full blown panic attack. But at least I got a bathroom break out of it. It was scary though. For reals.

Facebook Down

I do think this is a good opportunity to cast my vote for Channing Tatum to star in FACEBOOK DOWN: THE MOVIE.  Who wants to start the petition?

2.  Flip Off, New GE Dryer. Yeah, for your ability to cease functioning after only two weeks of use. I mean seriously, how does a brand spanking new appliance stop working after just two weeks. WTH is up with that?

WTH Reaction

It turned out to be a broken belt, and I was fortunate enough to have a repair man available the next day to fix it. But still. 2 weeks old and the belt breaks? Is this the appliance gods' way of telling me I should have bought a Maytag?! Only time will tell.

3.  Flip Off, Pizza Delivery People. Yeah, for keeping me waiting for over a freaking hour for my pizza delivery. In the name of all that is good and Holy--how hard is it to deliver a pizza to a starving, hormonal woman, who only lives 3/4 of a mile from your store? Has the world gone mad? Why am I tormented so?

What is the deal with my life reaction gif

OK, there's a chance I'm being a bit melodramatic here. But dammit, don't ever come between a woman and her pizza! It did have a happy ending though: I ended up getting the pizza for free because it took so long. And that almost made up for the near starvation of it all.

4.  Flip Off, Centipede. Yeah, the one that I saw out of the corner of my eye scurrying across the living room floor as I was reading book one of the Outlander series the other night. Claire was just about to be transported through a time portal  from 1945 to 18th century Scotland, and you picked that precise moment to appear in my field of vision?

Oh Come On Reaction Gif

Those over-legged, dastardly creatures are as annoying as they are creepy and fast. Even at my own full speed--which, granted, is not much faster than a jaunt--I couldn't catch that guy after I threw down my iPad and hurled myself in his general direction. He's still in there somewhere. Hiding. And waiting for the perfect moment to interrupt my sojourn into virtual Scotland once again. Bastard.

5.  And finally, Flip Off, DVR. Yeah, for always cutting off the last minute or two of every single show I record, so that I never really know what happens at the end of each episode. I know it's going to cut off every time I watch something. But still, every time...

No No No Reaction Gif

OK, so I guess that's enough of my self-indulgent complaint-o-rama for today. It's good to purge though, ya know? Do you have any flip-offs for the week? Leave a comment and share them. :)

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Italian Summer Salad

It's Tuesday, so you know what that means. It means I tried a new recipe and loved it enough to share it with you. Or it means I'm bored and all I can think about is food. I'll let you decide which is true as I get this Tasty Tuesday party started.

I Love Food Reaction Gif


1) I was trying to come up with a simple and tasty summer salad full of veggies. And 2) I wanted to be able to use some of the Olive Garden salad dressing I had in the pantry. So really at that point it just became about the math, and my Italian Summer Salad was born.

Genius Reaction Gif

I know you want the deets, so I won't prolong your anticipation. But first, here's a photo to get your mouth watering for ya.

Italian Salad Tasty Tuesday Recipe

Ingredients
1 Pint Cherry or Grape Tomatoes, cut in halves
1 Can of Black Olives, cut in halves
1 Cucumber, peeled and diced
1 Red Bell Pepper (or whatever color you like), diced
4 Celery Stalks, diced
1 Cup of Shredded Mozzarella Cheese
1 Cup of Olive Garden salad dressing
1 TBSP McCormick's Salad Supreme seasoning (more or less to taste--I didn't actually measure mine)

Directions
Combine all the vegetables and the cheese, and then pour in the salad dressing and add the seasoning. Stir well to combine. Chill for an hour or two before serving. 

Seriously, that's it. Could it BE any easier?

Chandler and Joey Clapping Reaction Gif

Now come on, let's eat!