Monday, September 28, 2015

Things I Learned While I was 48

Well it's that time of year of again. You know, the day in which I honor the awe and wonder that is the 28th day of September. Also known as the day of my birth. Yep.

It's My Birthday Gif

And due to my wildly popular Best Things I Learned While I was 47 post last year, I thought I'd try to capitalize on a post format that worked so well last year, and bring that same glorious magic to my 48th year of living on planet earth as well. Predictability is highly underrated. Just sayin.

I know you're a-tingle with anticipation. So let's get right to it, shall we?

As always, in no particular order, here's what I learned over the past 365 days...

  • Alcoholic Root Beer tastes like Root Beer. With alcohol in it. 
  • The only thing worse than my Obamacare health insurance payments is having the stomach flu and vomiting multiple times in one day. But it was almost too close to call.
  • It is possible to plan an entire wedding in two months without going completely insane.
  • Testosterone causes objects to become invisible to men when they're looking for them--even when they're right in front them. 
  • Conversely, estrogen gives women the power to find things that are completely invisible to men.
  • Taking your daughter and granddaughter to see Cinderella is almost as magical as the movie itself.
  • No one is quite as hot as Richard Madden as the King of the North. Except maybe Richard Madden as Prince Charming. 
Prince Charming Richard Madden

  • Snagajob always seems to have amazeballs careers waiting for me. You know, like selling Avon, or working at Taco Bell. 
  • It's OK if the Hubs wants to sleep with a college student. As long as it's me.
  • The easiest way to piss someone off is to reply 'K' to a paragraph-long text.
  • The best Dance Party is the Carlton Dance Party.
  • I have so much in common with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. (We all eat at Subway sometimes, so yeah, it counts.)
  • KFC's recent 'Colonel' commercials are just creepy enough to make me NOT want to eat at KFC. 
  • The only thing worse than KFC's 'Colonel' commercials are Matthew McConaughey's Lincoln commercials. Newsflash, Lincoln execs: if you wanna sell Lincolns, it's not that difficult.
Matthew McConaughey Stetson

  • I stop taking anyone seriously as soon as they use the word, 'Supposably.'
  • I'm pretty sure rocket science is far less complicated than getting the seal off of my bottle of International Delight creamer.
  • If the power's going to go out during a storm, it will be the same day you just went to the grocery store and your frig is crammed full of food.
  • I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain...
  • I'm glad I don't have to draw on my eyebrows every day, because at this point in my life I'm sure I'd forget to do that.
  • My need for bifocals became clear the moment I tried to pick up a wad of hair off the carpet. And it was a centipede.
  • Closing your eyes while you eat a candy bar makes it lose its calories. I read that on the Internet so I know it's true.
Finally, now that my birthday is nearing its end, I'm just sitting here waiting for my birthday dessert to arrive.

Ian Birthday Cake

Can I Have Him Reaction Gif

The cake would be awesome too.