Adventures in Freakdom

Freakdom Pin

Just to give you further insight as to how the freak mind works, here are few other random things our neighbor has done in the past.

Called the police on the Amish people who were re-doing our roof. Why? Because one tire on the van of their driver grazed a few blades of his grass when they pulled out of our driveway. And then he proceeded to the Amish! Who the hell yells at Amish people anyway?

Called the police last winter when my Hubs was plowing the alley that runs between our houses. Why? Because some snow landed on the freak's driveway, of course. I'm kind of surprised he doesn't sue Mother Nature then, since she dumps snow on his freaking driveway every single winter!

Planted maple trees a few feet apart, all up and down the edge of his lawn, adjacent to the alley between our houses. Why? To block our view from our porch.

Called the police several times because rain flows off the alley near his driveway. Why? Because he says our house causes the water to run there, and he thinks it's going to crack his cement driveway. And I'll just point out here that if you could see my house and the alley--and if you have even a basic understanding of the laws of Physics, you'd know there was no way on earth that rain from our house was traveling anywhere near his precious driveway. But if it is, I'm sure it's brought there by the flying pigs I see each morning.

Put signs up in his front yard (which, BTW, the city says are "political," so there's nothing they can do) that read: Stop favoritism, enforce zoning laws; Stop runoff of water from alley; and Not zoned for business. And when these signs fade (he does use cheap paint, don'tcha know), he takes them down, repaints them, and puts them back up again, while making sure that each sign is hung at equal heights and distances apart. Being anal is only secondary to his love of symmetry and balance.

Calls the police whenever anyone stops in the alley (even if we don't know them!), even for five minutes. And FYI: it is legal for any vehicle to stop in our alley for up to 20 minutes. We know this, and so does he.

Installed treated lumber for his flower beds--after stripping it, and then staining it. WTH?

Waters his trees from the top down, um, but never at the roots. Correct me if I'm wrong here, but aren't the roots supposed to get the water?

Has two video recorders pointed at our property, and records our movements daily. At first that disgusted me, but now I just share my favorite "bird" with him whenever the mood strikes me as I pass by the camera's view.

Has called the police on contractors working at our house...for playing their music too loud. [INSERT ROAR OF LAUGHTER HERE] I'm sorry, but I had to pause to catch my breath; I just laughed so hard I nearly pee'd my pants. Mister play-his-music-loud-enough-to-shake-windows-and-solely-for-the-annoyance-of-others thinks someone else's music is too loud?! Hello, Mr. Pot, meet the damned black Kettle! That's just too rich.

Guess that's enough freak-ranting for one day. But lest you think I'm exaggerating or embellishing, let me assure you that I am doing no such thing. This is all 100% freakdom FACT. And most of it is on record with our local police department.