Things I Don't Understand - Bathroom Edition

For whatever reason, there seem to be some Things I Don't Understand today. This isn't shocking, of course. It is just my way. And as is also my way, lucky you, I'm going to share with you these things I don't understand, all related to things in the bathroom.

Why does Shower Gel expire?  Seriously. What's in that stuff that makes it expire? And what happens if I take a walk on the wild side and use the shower gel after it expires? Will I get a rash? Will it burn? Will I sprout horns or webbed feet and become a genetic mutation of my former Tinalicious self? 

I Dont Get It Reaction Gif
Why do the blades in my razor rust? Isn't that just trouble waiting to happen? I mean, if I cut myself with my razor, and if I haven't, say, had a tetanus shot in awhile, couldn't I, like, get lock jaw...and die maybe?! Think about it.

Shocked Joey Friends Reaction Gif

Why am I the only one who realizes that the toothpaste tube should be squeezed from the bottom? I'm right, right? Or is there something wrong with me? Hmm.

Toothpaste Personality Test

Why the Hubs can't see a crooked bath mat. Dude. If I can see that the bath mat is crooked, then HE can see that the bath mat is crooked. This is not rocket science, fella. And no, it's not saying more about my OCD tendencies than about his ability to rectify stray bath mat problems. Sure it does say something about my OCD, but that is not the point. No. It's not. I just think it's logical enough to figure out: if you move the bath mat from its original anally-aligned position, then you are perfectly capable of moving it back.

Spock Logical Reaction Gif

Even though I'm the one who almost always has to replace the toilet paper roll, why do I still forget to check the status of the roll before I sit down to do my business?

TP Challenge Accepted Meme

If I'm at home, this isn't as big of a deal. I mean, who hasn't done the penguin walk with their pants down around their ankles to go fetch another roll of TP? We've all done it. But what about when the roll is empty and you're in a public place? 

Seinfeld Spare a Square Meme

Anyhoots, I think that's enough pondering of the great mysteries of things I don't understand--the bathroom edition. All this potty room talk is making me have to pee.