My 5 Teenage Superpowers

I'm not sure what prompted my brain to shift into reverse and start thinking about my high school horror days, but something made me wander there today. So I figure I might as well take advantage of it, at least while I still have the ability to remember anything at all. 

If I'm being honest, I wasn't exactly the homecoming queen, nor was I one of the most "popular" girls. What can I say?

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I did, however, have a variety of fabulous superpowers as a teenager, which I'm only too happy to share with you now as a means to pass the time in truly Tinalicious style. Maybe you had these superpowers too. Let's find out, shall we? Come on now...this is going to involve a bit of time traveling. Hold on.

Wayne Garth Time Traveling

The Power of Invisibility
Yes, folks, I had the miraculous ability to stand in any room in my high school and be completely unseen for vast periods of time. This didn't happen all the time, and it really was quite involuntary on my part, but it did happen without warning on numerous occasions. Teachers would mark me absent when I was sitting at my desk. I could raise my hand (when I occasionally knew the answer to the teacher's question) and not be chosen to share my [questionable] wisdom with the class. And frequently in gym class I would be the last person selected for any team--I mean really, it's like they couldn't see me at all until I was the last one standing there. And eventually I really had to wonder...

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Interestingly enough, I still have this superpower to this day, though it only happens when I'm in public places, and frequently when there's some hot gal standing next to me. Yep, I become completely invisible. Weird.

The Power to Repel Volleyballs
The only game I liked in gym class was volleyball. Even though I sucked at it. I totally enjoyed it. But the thing I didn't enjoy was my power to repel volleyballs with certain parts of my anatomy. 

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Strangely, there's no real benefit to this superpower. Other than to make everyone in gym class laugh at you, which I did on more than one occasion.

The Power to Believe I was Fat
This power was, like, all too powerful. From about 1981, I truly believed I was fat. I believed no clothes fit me. I believed that everything made me look fat--except sweatpants and bib overalls. Believe. It. And I believed that starving myself and taking diet pills was the sure-fire way to fix my utter fatness.

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You know, I can only wish now that I was as fat as I THOUGHT I was in high school. Dude, I would kill to be that fat. Not a person or anything. And not an animal. Maybe a mosquito. Yeah, a bug of some sort. I don't think PETA could complain too much about that.

 The Power of Absenteeism. Particularly my junior year.
After moving away from all of my friends at the end of the 10th grade I grew very depressed. So by the time my junior year started I took hating school to an all new level. As a result, I missed a lot of school my junior year. A LOT. I just hated being there. It all seemed so pointless.

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I will say though that by my senior year I got out of my funk and managed to quit missing so much school, and basically get my crap together. Go, me.

My Powers of Song
I had the uncanny ability and wonderful power to do synchronized lady dancing while singing chart toppers a capella. 

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OK. Maybe that last one is a lie. But considering there is a Pitch Perfect 2 movie in the making, it's never really too soon to throw out a Pitch Perfect movie reference, should the opportunity arise. A-ca believe it.

So there you go. My 5 Teenage Superpowers, which I bet you never knew I had. And maybe you had some of them too? Do tell. Drop me a comment and let me know.