Best Things I Learned While I Was 49

It was bound to happen, folks. Once I get within spitting distance of a birthday, there's bound be a post about the 'best things I learned while I was...," in this case, 49. These annual posts of mine are usually my most popular of the year. Go figure. And even though you might not think it's possible to top the Best Things I Learned While I Was 48, (I know, right?) who knows what could happen?

And you know, I'm turning the big Hawaii 5-0 (without the Hawaii, unfortunately). So you know what that means.

Yeah, if by 'party' you mean my annual refusal to cook dinner on my birthday, going out to eat, and then falling asleep on the couch by 11:30 or so (it's a work night, after all). Party on, Garth.

So anyhoodle, lets get this best-things-I-learned-while-I-was-49 post underway, before I officially become part of the Over the Hill club. I've got until September 28 to be 49, and I will not go quietly or gracefully into my 50's, people. I'm holding onto my 40's until the very last second!

You know the drill by now: these pearls of forty-nine-year-old wisdom are in no particular order...

• Going back to college, for a second master's degree no less, is not for the weak of heart, or mind, or body...or bank account--but then again, that's what student loans are for, right? As that old saying goes, "he who dies with the most student loan debt...only gets out of it by dying."
• When David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Prince, and Gene Wilder all die in the same year, you realize that a huge part of your youth died with them...and it puts things into perspective.

•  Any idiot can run for president. And one of them will probably win. 

• Finding out that The Vampire Diaries is ending after the 2016-17 season is going to put a bit of a kink in my TVD obsession posts. Not to mention the withdrawals. And all the feels from the absence of Damon my favorite immortals! 

• Getting a teaching job after 7 years of looking (and 7 years of rejection) is kind of maybe totally awesome. 
• I have an addiction to Erin Condren planners and I don't care who knows it. Life planner? Check. Planner for journaling? Check. Teacher Planner? Check. Washi tape and stickers galore to decorate the pages of said planners? Double check.

• You should never underestimate the effect that opening a ginormous pack of gelly roll pens can have on your life, no matter how old you are.
• The word, 'ginormous' doesn't get highlighted by the spellchecker in my browser. It seems like a fake word (gigantic+enormous, anyone?), but I checked and it is indeed in the dictionary. [Oh sure. But 'boom chucka lucka' can't make the cut.]
• When people accuse you of doing things you didn't do, and they refuse to believe you no matter what you say or do, and all they do is spew venom and hate at you, it's perfectly OK to cut ties with those people. Even if they're family. 

• Unless I'm going to be swept away into a fairy tale land full of munchkins, and tin men, and Oz (Oh My!)--and it becomes a Ruby Shoes Day for a skippidy-do-walk down a yellow brick road with 3 new besties and my little dog, too--then I don't want to be within 3 miles of a tornado ever again.

• Just because someone texts you, it doesn't mean you have to read it right that very minute. Or even reply. No, seriously.
• Life is better with cheesecake.
• I don't like soda. I do, however, like an occasional pop.

• Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy art supplies, and books, and music...and that's pretty much the same thing in my book.
• Netflix awesomely allows you to binge-watch entire seasons without commercials and without annoying holidays and hiatuses...so that you can subsequently feel utterly sad, empty, and completely alone when the season or series ends.
• I have no idea who Todd Chrisley is or why he has his own reality TV show. But I think if we met we would be best friends.
• When the official Vampire Diaries page on Facebook posts a TVD meme you made, it kind of makes your day. [Who am I kidding? It made my whole year.]
• Some like it Scot.

Sam Heughan, aka Jamie Fraser on Outlander

• Documenting your life is important. Do it in photos. Do it in a planner. Do it in a journal. But do it. Your kids will appreciate it. Trust me.
• If you decide at the last minute to make a favorite recipe, and you run to the store to get the ingredients to make it, you will get home and start making it, only to realize that you forgot the main ingredient.
• The world's best garden is the one you grow with your granddaughter.

• I'm still not over the end of LOST, saying goodbye to my FRIENDS, or the death of McDreamy. And I'm OK with that.

Well now, that is quite a lot of acquired knowledge from the last year of my life. But before I finish this ode to my fading forties, I just want to add that even though I don't usually want gifts on my birthday, since turning 50 is a milestone year, I would not be opposed to a present this year. 

You know, like...

Or...

And you know, even though it's kind of not exciting to be turning the big 5-0, at least I do get to have a birthday (hello, bright side? I'm talking to you!), right? So let's just bring this Best Things I Learned When I was 49 post to a  birthday-worthy finish, shall we?

Can you say, Christina and Meredith Dance Party, boys and girls?!

Here's to the last 24 hours of my 49th year...and the beginning of (hopefully) the fabulous 50's. Dance it out, people.

Things I Learned While I was 48

Well it's that time of year of again. You know, the day in which I honor the awe and wonder that is the 28th day of September. Also known as the day of my birth. Yep.

And due to my wildly popular Best Things I Learned While I was 47 post last year, I thought I'd try to capitalize on a post format that worked so well last year, and bring that same glorious magic to my 48th year of living on planet earth as well. Predictability is highly underrated. Just sayin.

I know you're a-tingle with anticipation. So let's get right to it, shall we?

As always, in no particular order, here's what I learned over the past 365 days...

• Alcoholic Root Beer tastes like Root Beer. With alcohol in it. 
• The only thing worse than my Obamacare health insurance payments is having the stomach flu and vomiting multiple times in one day. But it was almost too close to call.
• It is possible to plan an entire wedding in two months without going completely insane.
• Testosterone causes objects to become invisible to men when they're looking for them--even when they're right in front them. 
• Conversely, estrogen gives women the power to find things that are completely invisible to men.
• Taking your daughter and granddaughter to see Cinderella is almost as magical as the movie itself.
• No one is quite as hot as Richard Madden as the King of the North. Except maybe Richard Madden as Prince Charming. 

• Snagajob always seems to have amazeballs careers waiting for me. You know, like selling Avon, or working at Taco Bell. 
• It's OK if the Hubs wants to sleep with a college student. As long as it's me.
• The easiest way to piss someone off is to reply 'K' to a paragraph-long text.
• The best Dance Party is the Carlton Dance Party.
• I have so much in common with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. (We all eat at Subway sometimes, so yeah, it counts.)
• KFC's recent 'Colonel' commercials are just creepy enough to make me NOT want to eat at KFC. 
• The only thing worse than KFC's 'Colonel' commercials are Matthew McConaughey's Lincoln commercials. Newsflash, Lincoln execs: if you wanna sell Lincolns, it's not that difficult.

• I stop taking anyone seriously as soon as they use the word, 'Supposably.'
• I'm pretty sure rocket science is far less complicated than getting the seal off of my bottle of International Delight creamer.
• If the power's going to go out during a storm, it will be the same day you just went to the grocery store and your frig is crammed full of food.
• I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain...
• I'm glad I don't have to draw on my eyebrows every day, because at this point in my life I'm sure I'd forget to do that.
• My need for bifocals became clear the moment I tried to pick up a wad of hair off the carpet. And it was a centipede.
• Closing your eyes while you eat a candy bar makes it lose its calories. I read that on the Internet so I know it's true.

Finally, now that my birthday is nearing its end, I'm just sitting here waiting for my birthday dessert to arrive.

The cake would be awesome too.