Poop Happens

Yes, that's right. It says Poop up there. And all thanks to my adorable granddaughter, Destiny, who makes me glad everyday that I'm a grandma--because she always knows how to make me laugh.

The other night we took her and my grandson, Dylan out to dinner. We were talking about food and eating dinner when Destiny, out of nowhere, said, "you know what, if there are brown fruits, they should be called Poop Snacks."  And at first I was like...

But then I was like...

Because let's face it: she's only gonna be four once, and the girl is just funny! I know she gets that from me. I mean, obviously.

Then I got to thinking about something she did last year, also--amazingly--poop-related. She was singing some little song to herself and I couldn't quite make out what she was saying. So I decided to ask her...while recording her on my iPhone. So when I asked her what song she was singing, this was her reply.

What can I say? It cracks me up. Every. Single. Time. She wouldn't go back to singing her song after that, but no matter. I loved her reply enough to keep forever. And really, when you think about it, poop is funny. At least sometimes. It's part of life.

Really, poop happens.

Gone to the Dogs

So my granddaughter, Destiny and I were watching TV yesterday when a Barbie commercial came on that I hadn't seen before. Destiny got all excited and kept saying, "Grandma, I really want that, so much." At first I thought it was just a new Barbie, but that's not really what the commercial was for. No, it was for Barbie's dog.

A dog that poops. WTF?!

That's right. A dog that poops. Now maybe this pooping Barbie dog isn't even new. I don't know. But seriously, is it necessary to have a pooping Barbie dog? I mean, I'm trying to imagine the meeting that went down at Mattel. You know, the Suits are all sitting around debating what Barbie really needs in her ever so busy and plastic-filled Barbie world, and Suit #1 says, "hey, how about a dog?"

And Suit #2 says, "yeah, maybe, but that's so banal...so been there, done that. Barbie can't have just a typical dog. It needs to be something...more."

So Suit #3 says, "Hey, I know, let's make the dog poop!"

And all the Suits cheer in unison...

And thus, Tanner the pooping Barbie dog is born. And you gotta love the marketing. "When Tanner has to go to the bathroom, Barbie cleans it up with the magnetic scooper."

Yeah, as if Barbie would lower herself to scoop up dog poop. She might pop a boob or something.

Maybe I'm just getting old and cynical. But in this day and age, when we can open and close our garage doors from 300 miles away (there's an app for that!), I just think we're a wee bit more evolved than a pooping Barbie dog. I dunno. Call me crazy.

But I do know one thing: if you buy one of those pooping dogs for your child or grandchild, it'll all be shits and giggles (pun intended) until those little balls of plastic poop get lost. And then your child is going to freaking lose it.

Which is exactly what Mattel wants, so you'll have to buy more! And then you'll be calling them up saying, "Hey, Mattel, I need to buy more dog poop." And they're going to just laugh themselves all the way to the bank, my friends.

Well played, Mattel. Well played indeed.

1 For the Snickers, 2 for the Smiles

I have a few things to share this week for Snickers and Smiles. Let us start with the Snicker, and then we can end with the Smiles. And no, I'm not trying to see how many times I can write snickers and smiles in this post...or am I???

This indeed made me snicker when I saw it...right before I literally LOL'd. First of all, who doesn't love them some Captain Jean-Luc Picard? He is, clearly, one of Star Trek's hottest captains. And you know how he is, all calm and controlled and professional to an inter-galactic fault. And yet here we have him supposedly saying the F-word. Admit it. That's just funny! And if you don't think it is...there's the door...now get the...oh, you get the idea.

Next up, Smile number one. Are you ready? Brace yourself.

Now when was the last time a furry little rodent didn't make you smile? OK, yes, excluding the time you saw one in the kitchen cupboard, which is definitely not cause for a smile. At least not in my house. But this little guy, awe shucks, he's cute! And cuteness generally causes smiles in my neck of the woods.

Finally, we have Smile number 2, which I'll just call Princess Destiny. She's my granddaughter. And she'll all decked out in her tiara and flashy earrings, ready to reign supreme if the moment calls for it.

But who are we kidding? That little princess rules her roost (and part of mine too). And she definitely makes me smile. Not that I'm biased or anything.  :)

Almost Last Year in Review

As I was reading a post from one of my favorite bloggers, Sandra at Absolutely Narcissism I couldn't help but be inspired by the way she decided to blog about 2010--a Year in Review (sort of) post. She found some questions on another blog and posted her own replies in her post. So I decided to carry forward that theme and answer those same questions about 2010 in my own blog post. It will be my first post of this new year...and it's almost last year in review. So here goes.

What did you do in 2010 that you've never done before?Well, I turned 44. That is certainly something I don't do everyday. I also took a walk on the wild side and installed RAM in my laptop. All by myself. Yeah, that's right. I'm just crazy like that.

What countries did you visit?Um, I visited America. And I'll be doing that again this year as well. I'm the quintessential queen of short-distance traveling. No passport required.

What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

1. Income (money may not buy happiness, but last time I checked, it does help pay bills. And I have a serious art & craft addiction that must be fed from time to time).


2. Patience.


3. A new refrigerator (the Hubs has to get sick of me asking at some point and just freaking buy it for me already, right?!).


4. Less gray hair.


5. A smaller ass imprint when I get up from the couch.


6. And un-saggy breasts that are located about 5" higher than where they reside right now.

(And not necessarily in that order.)

What was your biggest achievement this past year?
Cleaning and organizing my home office sometime around August...and managing to keep it clean and organized...until...September. Trust me. That is a major accomplishment for me.

What was the best thing you bought?**crickets**
You're not going to believe how much of a raging shopaholic I am. [Insert laughter here] I tend to buy three categories of things most of the time. 1) Books, 2) DVDs, 3) Art & Craft Supplies. So the best book I bought would probably be Fallen; the best DVD would likely be (nice to see you again, Edward) The Twilight Saga: New Moon; and any art supplies I can buy are always the best things I buy on any day--despite what the Hubs calls my "insane ability" to shop in Michaels or Hobby Lobby for 2-3 hours at a stretch. Yeah, that is one of my very special skills, baby.

Whose behavior merited celebration?My daughter started Cosmetology School last year. And the day she started on the path that will lead me to getting free haircuts AND free highlights...that merits some serious celebration!

Whose behavior made you appalled and disgusted?That answer is the same every year: The Freak Next Door. 'Nough said.

What song will always remind you of 2010?Hold My Hand, by Michael Jackson (with Akon), the first song from his first posthumous CD release, Michael. And not just because it will always remind me of him and the legacy he left us with. But also because the words make me think of everyone I love...my husband, my daughter, my grandchildren, my mother, my sister...and everyone else that's dear to my heart...and how everything will be alright if they just hold my hand.

"So if you just
Hold my Hand
Baby I promise that I'll do
All I can
Things will get better if you just
Hold my Hand
Nothing can come between us if you just
Hold, Hold my Hold my, Hold my Hand."

What do you wish you'd done more of?Body Surfing.
Piercings.
Reading.
Dusting.
Exploring the recesses of our HVAC system.

(Only one of those things is true. I'll leave it to you to figure out which one.)

What do you wish you'd done less of?Mind-reading.
Vulcan nerve pinches on my husband.
Brilliantly funny blogging.
Watching all the seasons of LOST on DVD.
Being right.

(Again, only one of these things is true. Can you spot it?)

Did you fall in love in 2010?No. I didn't fall in love in 2010. But I did fall back in love...with a certain pale-skinned, amber-eyed, sparkling hot blood-sucker named Edward. Does that count? I hope so. Because this is on my agenda for 2011 as well. Forever Twilight, as they say.

Who was the best new person you met?Now this one is super easy: my granddaughter, Destiny.  I love her to pieces. She'll be turning 1 on 1-11-11. That has got to be a good sign for the new year!

She is also absolute proof that you can wear horizontal stripes and look completely adorable.

So that is my almost, kinda, sorta last year in review on this, my very first post of the new year.

Pretty painless, wasn't it?

Destiny's Hanger

You know, babies never cease to amaze me. I went through babydom with my daughter, Jennifer, and again with my grandson, Dylan. And now that I baby-sit my granddaughter, Destiny four days per week, I get to experience it all over again.

Aside from the predictable downsides, like changing poopy diapers (that sh*t literally never gets old, eh?), the joys of teething, and struggling to keep up with a crawling baby who seems to have more energy than the Energizer Bunny, it's all a fabulous experience that I wouldn't trade for anything. And it produces some wonderful little moments as I see the world anew through Destiny's eyes.

Case in point: I was doing some Christmas shopping the other day and picked up what is unlikely to be the last of Destiny's Christmas gifts.  And since babies grow at a rate far faster than seems humanly possible--even putting aside the fashionista factor-- she always needs clothes. So, being my cheap frugal and thrift-minded self, I decided to look through the clearance rack for some bargains. I found a couple of really cute jumpers for only $3 apiece. Perfect! So I snatched them up and decided I'd give  the pink one to her now and save the brown one for Christmas.

I stopped by my daughter's house on the way home, to drop off the jumper. Destiny sees me and comes crawling toward me at her usual bionic speed, and wearing her pretty-as-a-princess smile. So I pulled out the pink jumper as she gains momentum and she seems truly excited by her trendy new outfit. Then I handed it to her. And what does she do? She proceeds to wiggle the jumper off its plastic hanger...and drops the jumper on the ground...so she can play with the hanger. Apparently that was her plaything of choice for the next half hour or so. And now that hanger is part of her little living room toy stash.

You just gotta love a baby's view on what's important in the world, don'tcha? Plastic hangers? Yes.  Cute little pink jumpers? Not so much. And I definitely love the face that looks up at me from the baby who truly appreciates her prized plastic hanger. She is truly my Treasure.

Destiny's Prayer

This is a photo of my granddaughter, Destiny. I'm posting it because it always makes me laugh. I've thought about posting it for Wordless Wednesday, but hey, it's not Wednesday. And the picture isn't super clear since it was taken with a cellphone camera. But since I'm entering it in the Paper Mama Photo Challenge for this week, I wanted to post it here. This week's challenge is, Make Me Laugh.

There could be so many funny captions for this photo...here are a few I came up with. Would love to read yours if you have any ideas.

• "Please, Lord, not the peas...I hate peas!"
  

• "And please bless my big brother, even if he does smell funny sometimes."


• "Please, no more headbands--they are messing up my hair!"

How Do You Spell Glasses

Photo credit: PlusLexia

I was watching my grandson, Dylan the other day. He's 6-1/2, BTW and one of the lights of my life. He's in Kindergarten, and he's learning to read. Now first of all, go back and read that last sentence: He's in Kindergarten, and he's learning how to read. The fact that this little guy, whose diapers I was changing just yesterday (or so it seems...and wasn't I just changing his mother's diapers just yesterday too? How the hell old AM I?!), is learning to read just boggles the mind.

When I was in Kindergarten, I was learning how to tie my shoes,  say "please" and "thank you," and play nicely with others,  all skills I still use today, mind you. But seriously, my report card did not say anything about reading. Reading??? WTH?! Moving on...

I was helping Dylan with his homework, something I do each week, since Grandma apparently has more patience than Mommy does. No biggie though, because I love to spend time with my not-so-little-anymore grandson.  Anyhoots...Dylan has started to read a short "book" each week (you know, the photocopied-and-folded-in-half-and-then-stapled variety of book), and then he has to write a sentence about it. OK, for real. Hold the phone. He has to read a book AND write a sentence? This is hardcore for Kindergarten, don't you think?  Sheesh.

Part of Dylan's process of reading is sounding out letters (you gotta love Phonics, don'tcha?!). So he does this a lot whenever he sees words he does not know. He was doing it while reading his little book and doing a great job.  Quite impressive what a Kindergarten kiddo can do these days. ..compared to, you know, the Old Days.

So, once we were finished with his book and sentence, we took a TV break , natch. And there are always words on TV, especially on commercials. Dylan can't always read them because they often disappear before he finishes sounding them out. But on this day, he managed to see the word,  GLASSES And naturally, he begins to sound it out.

Ggg--Lll

He paused because the word disappeared when the commercial went away. Then he asked me, "how do you spell glasses, Grandma?"

I told him, G-L-A-S-S-E-S.  So he started sounding it out again. I'd tell him the letter, and he would sound it out.

Ggg--Lll--Aaaah

He was doing great...

Ggg--Lll--ASSES....GLASSES!

"Is that right, grandma? Ggg and Llll and ASSES?"

"Yes, honey," I replied. "Ggg and Lll and ASSES sure does spell GLASSES."

Help grandson read a book? Check.

Help grandson write  a sentence? Check.

Help grandson say ASSES, (in GLASSES, of course). Uh, Check.

I think my work here is done.

Some Farts Are Funny

I wanted to share a funny little tidbit from the world of grandparent-hood with you. My grandson, Dylan spent the night recently, which he doesn't do so often anymore so it's a treat when he does. Anyhoots, he needed a bath so I got him in my tub. This is something he really enjoys, because, well, I have a really big tub.  I also have a TV at the foot of the tub, and I'm sure the ability to bathe while watching Sponge Bob has a little something to do with his sudden affection for bath time at gramma's house.  And FYI: Sponge Bob can be equally entertaining to bathing adults. Just sayin.

So he was in the tub and I decided to brush my teeth. So I'm brushing away when I hear him giggling repeatedly. I looked myself up and down to make sure that I was not the subject of his prolonged amusement, and I couldn't find anything amiss (nothing out of the ordinary anyway). And just about the time I finished the rinse and spit routine in the sink, he finally enlightens me.

"Gramma, gramma...guess what? I can make my own bubbles. Watch."

Can you guess where this is going, folks? Sure enough, Dylan has discovered that age-old practice of farting in the bathtub, which naturally creates bubbles...albeit temporary ones.  I couldn't help but laugh as he beamed at his new-found discovery.  From the sound of his giggles echoing through the bathroom, I'd say this was the highlight of his day....and mine.

Face it: sometimes, farts are funny. Admit it. Come on.

I hear you laughing.

Excuse Me…

There's that saying, "Kids say the darndest things." It's so true, and my grandson, Dylan proves it almost every day. His mommy, along with the Hubs and I, have tried to teach him proper etiquette. Saying please and thank you and a million other things.

One thing I've always been big on is the use of "excuse me." You know, sometimes your body has natural functions that can't always be controlled. (Better out than in, if you know what I mean). And when something sneaks out, we've taught Dylan to say, "excuse me." It's just good manners, after all. And he' really good about saying it...in his own way.

You see, he will almost always say "excuse me," but not without an explanation of what he's done. So, for example, we were out to eat this evening, and a little something managed to sneak out of his pint sized body. So what does he say, and loudly enough for all the surrounding restaurant patrons to hear?

"Excuse me...I farted."

And the Hubs and I embarrassingly add, in perfect unison, "Shhhhhhhhhh!"

Yep, that's my grandson for you. He can't just say excuse me, and stop right there. No, no, he has to let you know WHY he's saying excuse me too. I guess it's only fair, in his mind, to give everyone the proper heads up (especially in a restaurant). And right now, since he's 5 years old, it's still funny, even kind of cute. But heaven help us if he's 15 and still doing that!

Uh huh, out of the mouths (and orifices) of babes.