Don't Be an A-Hole

It's been awhile since I've written a Friday Flip Offs post. I like to save them until I have something happen that made me legit want to flip someone off. I think sincerity is important even when flipping someone off. Virtually or otherwise. Well this week, a couple of things happened that definitely warrant a virtual flip off, so here we are. 

I'll preface this by saying that I realize driving can be a pain. We all have lives we're trying to get to [or away from, as the case may be] or things we're just trying to get done. I get that. But the one thing I abso-freaking-lutely do not get is why some drivers have to be a-holes.

Case in point...

On Wednesday, I had just left the Wally World parking lot, turning right onto the main street in our town and heading south. It was going to be dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant for the Hubs & Me, so we were on our way to meet there. I got into the left turn lane and there was an SUV in front of me. I patiently waited the customary annoying length of time for the light to change so that I could turn onto the road that leads to the restaurant. Then we get the green arrow. But the SUV doesn't move. It sits there immobile for what seems an eternity before finally changing from his left turn signal to his right. Ummm...

Flip It - Flip it Good

It's been awhile since I've done any Friday Flip-Offs, so I figure I'm overdue. Please join me in my unnecessary rantics and acts of utter whinery, won't you?

1.  Flip Off, Facebook. Yeah, for being down today. It was a horror-filled few moments, I gotta tell you. I'm not sure how I made it through without a full blown panic attack. But at least I got a bathroom break out of it. It was scary though. For reals.

I do think this is a good opportunity to cast my vote for Channing Tatum to star in FACEBOOK DOWN: THE MOVIE.  Who wants to start the petition?

2.  Flip Off, New GE Dryer. Yeah, for your ability to cease functioning after only two weeks of use. I mean seriously, how does a brand spanking new appliance stop working after just two weeks. WTH is up with that?

It turned out to be a broken belt, and I was fortunate enough to have a repair man available the next day to fix it. But still. 2 weeks old and the belt breaks? Is this the appliance gods' way of telling me I should have bought a Maytag?! Only time will tell.

3.  Flip Off, Pizza Delivery People. Yeah, for keeping me waiting for over a freaking hour for my pizza delivery. In the name of all that is good and Holy--how hard is it to deliver a pizza to a starving, hormonal woman, who only lives 3/4 of a mile from your store? Has the world gone mad? Why am I tormented so?

OK, there's a chance I'm being a bit melodramatic here. But dammit, don't ever come between a woman and her pizza! It did have a happy ending though: I ended up getting the pizza for free because it took so long. And that almost made up for the near starvation of it all.

4.  Flip Off, Centipede. Yeah, the one that I saw out of the corner of my eye scurrying across the living room floor as I was reading book one of the Outlander series the other night. Claire was just about to be transported through a time portal  from 1945 to 18th century Scotland, and you picked that precise moment to appear in my field of vision?

Those over-legged, dastardly creatures are as annoying as they are creepy and fast. Even at my own full speed--which, granted, is not much faster than a jaunt--I couldn't catch that guy after I threw down my iPad and hurled myself in his general direction. He's still in there somewhere. Hiding. And waiting for the perfect moment to interrupt my sojourn into virtual Scotland once again. Bastard.

5.  And finally, Flip Off, DVR. Yeah, for always cutting off the last minute or two of every single show I record, so that I never really know what happens at the end of each episode. I know it's going to cut off every time I watch something. But still, every time...

OK, so I guess that's enough of my self-indulgent complaint-o-rama for today. It's good to purge though, ya know? Do you have any flip-offs for the week? Leave a comment and share them. :)

Friday Flip Offs 10/29

Well, it's been awhile since I've felt the need to visit the Friday Flip Offs feature, and since I'm well-armed with some random rants for this Friday, off we go...

To the local pizza joint: FLIP OFF! Being that it was Trick-or-Treat night in our town tonight, I decided to order out so the Hubs and I would have time to visit the grandkids to steal some candy and see them in their costumes. Seeing that I am fully aware that many other folks in our town order out on TOT night too, I decided to call in the order quite early, around 4:25pm. My thinking was that the food would get here around 5-5:15pm, which would be perfect. So, fast forward to 5:52pm, and guess what? Still. No. Food!

So I called to check on the ETA of our long overdue meal, only to get told first that they had no record of my order; and second,  after they found my order, that they got "slammed" and a couple drivers didn't show up and blah, blah, blah. That's all fine and dandy, I told the guy, but then I gave him the what-for. Cuz, you know, that's just what I do.

"I'm not trying to be a bitch or anything," (well, OK, maybe I was) but if you were aware when my order was placed that delivery was going to take over an hour and a half, then you should at least have the balls courtesy to inform me of this fact. Making starving people wait over an hour and a half for food just isn't cool. I mean, I like your food, (but I don't like it that much, dude), but that's just not good business, if you ask me. And you might want to pass that little tidbit onto your manager as well for all the good it will do since he gets my money even if my food is late and cold."

And all I got from that well-articulated but disgruntled customer review was an apology for the delay. I mean, seriously, what good is an apology? Our food arrived as I was hanging up the phone with that pizza joint gumba and it was barely lukewarm. Where's the freaking discount for slow service and cold food? Where's the coupon for at least $5 off a future order? Where is the justice?!

So yeah, FLIP OFF, pizza joint.

To Political Commercials: FLIP OFF! Does anyone actually watch this crapola at election time? Nothing like twisted spin and mud-slinging in between episodes of The Real Housewives to make for a fabulous night of television. One has to wonder how much money gets spent on those commercials too. Seems to me they could better use that money on, I dunno, cleaning up the environment, or hey, how about a cure for cancer? Now THAT would win some elections.

To Google Reader: FLIP OFF! I check my GR about twice per week. And since I subscribe to a lot of feeds, there are usually over 100 posts to read each time I check in. But for some reason, when I checked in today, there were 498 unread posts. WTH? Now either my favorite bloggers have been incredibly inspired and gone psycho-prolific with their blogging habits (which would make me feel even less of a true blogger than I already do), or something was seriously stanky in state of Denmark.

So I'm going through all the posts, alternately reading and skimming to get myself caught up, and I wasn't finding anything amiss. Until I got to the  very bottom of the list. And what do I find? A new feed subscription to...wait...for...it...Discovery News.

Now I don't want to send a shock to anyone's delicate sensibilities with regard to the world and world events, but um, I do not watch the news, Discovery brand or otherwise. And I sure as hell wouldn't subscribe to the blog feed for  Discovery News.  So I don't know how on earth I got subscribed to that feed in Google Reader. Is Google trying to tell me something? Or maybe this is just a random glitch that is also a colossally funny joke, considering my blog-reading profile.  Who knows. But Flip Off anyway, Google. Keep your nefarious news-feed subscriptions to yourself!

Enjoy your Friday, gang.

Friday Flip Offs August 27

Friday Flip Offs are the brain child of The Kludgy Mom. It’s just a way to vent and get rid of your “weekday angst,” by virtually flipping someone (or something) off.  Some might call that passive-aggression. But I call it misery loves company.

So here are my Friday Flip Offs for this week.

To the Dog that Belongs to the Freak Next Door: Flip Off! How is it that you manage to start barking just as I manage to fall asleep, after putting my granddaughter down for a nap, and after having only 4 hours of sleep the night before?! Is that your super special canine power, the ability to sense sleeping neighbors who need a nap more than Lindsay Lohan needs therapy, and then start barking as a reminder that they indeed live next door to a freak and his dog? Woof up already.

To the Girl at McDonald's Who Ignored Me, Twice: Flip Off! OK,  I am not one to beat a dead horse [where did that expression come from anyway], because I know I've already blogged about how They F*ck You at the Drive Thru. But she deserves to be flipped off.  I think we can all agree that her job is not exactly rocket science: she takes orders at a drive thru. And if your job is to take someone's order, and if they request Sweet Tea with NO ICE, two times (!), is it really that difficult to oblige them with their request? Or do I have to start asking for everything 3 times at Mickey D's from now on?

To Firefox Crashes and Their Stupid "Well, this is embarrassing" Error Message: Flip Off! Yes, it truly should be embarrassing that your browser crashes occasionally for no conceivable reason, and always at a time when I am in the middle of posting something worthless amazing or wasting time working really hard on one of my websites. And your cutesy little error message does little to stem the tide of my growing dissatisfaction with your belligerent browser. Don't make me do it; don't make me go all IE on your little fox's ass.

To Velvet Peanut Butter Fudge Ice Cream: Flip Off! In the words of Edward, "you're like a drug to me." As if the peanut butter ice cream with fudge swirls are not enough, no, no, you have to add more fuel to the junk food fire and throw in peanut butter cups too.  It is exactly this kind of empty-calorie-filled-frozen-guilt-ridden-bowl-of-death-by-deliciousness that my ass does not need! Why oh why can we have DVD players in cars, toilets that flush themselves, and cell phones that can do everything but flush toilets (though I'm sure there will be an app for that one day too), but we can't have ice cream that tastes that good, and has zero calories? Something is just very wrong about that. Clearly some people's priorities are seriously out of whack!

So I've flipped. And now I'm off. Have a good weekend. ;)

Friday Flip Offs August 20

Friday Flip Offs are the brain child of The Kludgy Mom. It’s just a way to vent and get rid of your “weekday angst,” by virtually flipping someone (or something) off.  Some might call that passive-aggression. But I call it cheaper than therapy.

So here are my Friday Flip Offs for this week.

To the Facebook Disease: Flip Off! While I do use Facebook, I am not infected with its disease like too many people I know. You know you have it if any of the following apply to you:

• You no longer send emails because you can't be bothered to write something more than one or two sentences long. And yet you can post a sentence or two...like 800 times in one day with no problems at all.


• You spend hours upon hours playing Farmville, and yet you have the audacity to state to a friend who casually asks you if you've read a certain book, "Read? I don't have time to read, I have more important things to do." Um,  OK.


• You use your cellphone to post on your Facebook wall so your "best friend" will see it...instead of using the phone to actually call your "best friend." Because, yeah, talking on a phone would just be weird, right?

I could go on and on about the Facebook Disease.  But since all the people who need to read it are on Facebook, they probably wouldn't see it anyway.

To Loud Commercials: Flip Off! It is beyond annoying to be watching a TV show and when it goes to commercial break, the commercial is 10 times louder than the show. I am so tired of the commercial's-on-volume-down-show's-on-volume-up-dance for the 2-3 hours a night I watch TV. My finger should be much thinner than it is considering how much exercise it gets on a nightly basis. I mean, I get why they do it--they apparently want you to still hear the commercial while you're grabbing a snack or in the bathroom going pee, right? But how many people actually leave the volume up like that? Most of us turn it down, don't we? And let's face it, sometimes that volume spike scares the bleeping crap out of me! I'm getting too freaking old for those kind of shocks to my system.

To Guys Who Call All Other Guys "Bro": Flip Off! What's up, Bro? How's it hanging, Bro? Bro, are you feeling OK?  I feel you, Bro. Seriously, do they really consider all other guys their "Bro"? Is it just a simple form of male bonding? Or do they just say "Bro" because they can't remember the other guy's name to whom they're speaking? Whatever the reason, it's annoying. Even the Hubs thinks it's annoying, and I can honestly say I've never heard him call any other guy (including any of his 3 brothers) "Bro." [Just one of the many reasons I love that man!] And some guys say it sooo much.  While waiting for a table at a restaurant one time, I heard a guy call another guy "Bro" at least 7 times during their brief conversation. And it took all the strength I could muster to not say, "Shut the F*ck Up, Bro!" For real, people, "Bro" is crispy already. Turn it over, it's done.

And I'm done too, I believe.  Time to flip off the light and head to bed. ;) All this virtual therapy has exhausted me. And now the only flipping off I have left in me is the one I'll do when my alarm clock goes off at 6:15 in the morning. Seriously. Flip Off, alarm clock!

Friday Flip-Offs

This will be my very first Friday Flip-Offs post, and I'm beyond ready for it this week! This will be a semi-regular feature at Tinalicious, inspired by the Kludgy Mom Blog, which I love. It's just a way to vent and get rid of your "weekday angst," by virtually flipping someone (or something) off.  And it's a blog hop too, so you can visit other blogs that are featuring Friday Flip-Offs posts. How can you not love that?

I've also created my own Friday Flip-Offs feature image. Being a Michael Jackson fan, I do have images of MJ flipping the bird--usually to the stalkerazzi (and seriously, who could blame him?!). There's an awesome one though that is a still from his Scream video that would have been just perfect for this feature.  But while I love featuring photos of the King of Pop, I didn't want to post such a blatantly negative one on a regular basis. So I managed to find a great pic of MJ from one of his Bad tour performances. And he just happens to be, quite inadvertently, I'm sure, flipping the bird. So that's what I'm using. [His finger is blurry, so hey, it seems a lot less in-your-face that way, but still gets the, ahem, point across. ;) }

So anyhoots, here's my very first Friday Flip-Offs post.

To Sunflower Thieves: FLIP OFF! When you hack off and steal a sunflower that was started from seed by a six-year-old, and was only one of 3 to survive, you are beneath contempt. You are, in fact, pond scum...which is actually rather an insult to other pond scum. But it's true nonetheless.

To Baby Wipes that Won't Separate: FLIP OFF! If I am holding a baby's butt away from a diaper filled with doodie with one hand, I need to be able to separate and grab baby wipes with the other hand. So why do you make that so difficult to do?  Do you even know the consequences of your damned inseparable baby wipes? No? Well, I'll tell you:  babies reach behind  during the minutes-long effort to extract said baby wipes and grab themselves a nice big handful of Poo.  And do you know where babies like to put their hands? [OK, my granddaughter didn't put her hand in her mouth today during this very real poo-poo experience, but she could have, so my point is still valid.]

To Cable Companies with Ever-Changing Channel Line-ups: FLIP OFF! Just when I get used to where all my favorite channels are, you go and change them. Yeah, sure, you said you're adding more and more channels, so I guess I'm supposed to feel lucky. But a) luck has nothing to do with paying $70 a month to watch those channels; and b) I didn't ask for all those extra channels anyway, and many of them are duplicates of channels we already have.  Oh, and on a side note flip-off, your Channel Lineup brochure should come with a magnifying glass. If the print were any smaller, it would be invisible. And it might as well be since I can't read it anyway. Are you telling me you can afford to add all those new channels, but you can't afford to print your brochure on paper large enough for the text to be, um, readable? Yeah, I guess that might be asking too much.

To Victoria's Secret Commercials: FLIP OFF! You know, I don't watch television to feel inadequate. Nor do I want my husband to watch it to realize just how inadequate I might be. So when you're parading half-naked women around in their underwear repeatedly during each airing of Project Runway, you aren't exactly helping my cause.  My husband doesn't even like Project Runway, so he often reads while I watch it. But I am keenly aware of his eyes as they peek over the top of the book  during commercial breaks, in a not-so-subtle move to view those VS models in "the most comfortable bra ever." Whatevs. So, you say, why don't I just change the channel? Well that sounds easy enough. But in the time it takes me to try to read the small print on the Channel Lineup brochure (since the channel lineup has just changed...again), the commercials are already over. So it's pointless from the get-go.

There now, I feel ever so much better after my first Friday Flip-Offs. It's like therapy. With Michael Jackson. And the virtual finger.