My Friday Confessions 10-25

OK, peeps. The Friday confessional is open. Let's get to it.

I do not wear lipstick. Like, ever. I don't even own a tube of lipstick. I remember telling someone that a few years ago and they just looked at me with this confused look on their face, like they were trying to understand a foreign language or something. 

And while we're on the subject of things I don't wear, I also don't wear high heels. I don't even own a pair of heels. No seriously. 

That last time I wore a pair of heels was on June 23, 1984. The day I got married. And those were very low heels. Heels are just not comfortable. And since I seldom have the need to wear a dress, I don't really have the need for heels either. And besides, I can wear flats with a dress. I'm just cool like that.

I have never tried Nutella. I should try it. I mean, it's got chocolate. It's got hazelnut. It definitely sounds like something I could eat too much of like. Which is probably a good reason to never try it. I hear that stuff can be addicting.

And lastly, I finally got Ian Somerhalder, aka Damon Salvatore, to show up at my house. He's right behind me in my office as I type this.

OK, yeah, he's a poster. But I'll take what I can get.

That's the sum of my wild confessions for this week. I hope it wasn't too much for you. ;)

My Friday Confessions 8-16

Dang. Is it Friday already? Are the weeks getting shorter or is my tired old brain just hanging on for dear life as each day blurs into the next anymore? Well either way, I'm overdue for a Friday confessional, don'tcha think? So let's get right to it. I know you don't like to be kept waiting.

1. I watch Honey Boo Boo. It's not like it's my favorite show or anything. But I enjoy it, OK? Is that so wrong? I like the way they talk. It's Smexy. And besides, they are a family full of wisdom. You can like, learn stuff from them.

See there? Now don't tell me that's not educational television. And pass the bean dip.

2. I frequently remove my USB flash drive...unsafely. Take that, Bill Gates.

3. When I say I exercised today, I really mean I walked to the laundry room and folded my laundry. To be fair though, it's a long walk.

4. I have no freaking idea what the point of a Facebook 'poke' is. And frankly, I don't think I want to.

5. The face the Hubs makes right before he...sneezes...really kind of creeps me out. Don't judge me.

And finally, 6. Whenever I see a Hey, Girl meme on Pinterest or Google, I pretend Ryan Gosling is talking to ME. What's so funny?

My Friday Confessions 6-14

Time once again for another rendition of My Friday Confessions. I know you wait for these with baited breath, so let's get to it!

1.  I think 80's hair is cool. 80's hair really gets a bad rap, in my opinion. I think it was the height of coolness, like, literally. OK, well maybe not Flock-Of-Seagulls-Cool.

But definitely a Madonna or a Janet Jackson 80's hair kind of cool.

Seriously, what is wrong with that hair? There are a lot of things that should have stayed in the 80s--like shoulder pads...or neon colors. But 80's hair? I think not. Bring on the big bangs and the hair that reaches to Heaven. Even Jersey girls can appreciate that.

2.  If I'm doing a Google image search and a random penis shows up in the search results, I enlarge the photo to view it full size. Let me just say that I don't go around Googling penises. I'm married, after all, so I can see a penis any time I want to. But if one happens to pop up in Google images when I'm searching for something else--as penises are occasionally known to do--then, well, I'll be damned if I'm not going to enlarge the photo and have a peek. If you can't be a semi-anonymous man-parts voyeur on Google, then what is the point of the Internet?

3.  I have an irrational hate for the word, 'splice.' Let's face it, one day someone decided that the words 'split' and 'slice' should hook up. And that became like, a thing, that then became a word. And some words are just annoying. 'Splice' is an annoying word, dammit. It just is. Because it is.

4.  People who write 'should of' when they mean 'should have' annoy the crap out of me. Get your grammar together, people.

5.  And speaking of penises, I'm tormented by the inexplicable existence of vampire erections. I'm a Twilight fan. And I'm an
obsessedaddict where The Vampire Diaries is concerned. Can you blame me?

But even though I am fully capable of suspending disbelief for every hour of TVD that I watch, because of, um, the reasons clearly displayed in the photo above, I am still confused by the notion that vampires can have, you know, erections. I'm happy to keep pondering it though, as long as the vampire eye candy continues to keep me...compelled.

Now I think I'm going to go ponder this further...perhaps on Google.

My Friday Confessions 5-24

Time for another rousing rendition of My Friday Confessions. And by 'rousing' I mean interesting. And by 'interesting' I mean it could go either way. But let's dive right in, shall we? The suspense is
notkilling me.

1. I have a criminal past. Although it pains me to admit it, there was this time when I was young and full of semi-false bravado, when I decided to break the law--and I stole...a pack...of Bubblicious. That's right, Tinalicious is a Bubblicious thief. Hmm. I think I've just had a gum-smacking epiphany. My days as a hardened criminal seem to have infiltrated my law-abiding adult blogging life by subconsciously inspiring my blog name. Dammit, will my criminal past ever stop haunting me?! I did the crime, but I think I've served enough time and penance at this point. Oh the shame. The horror. The um...icious-ness of it all!


2. I lather, and I rinse, but I don't repeat. Call me crazy, but if you Lather, Rinse, Repeat, you are what advertisers are referring to when they say,'there's one born every minute.' *winks* Fight the urge to repeat, y'all. Don't be a REPEATER!


3. I am still wildly confused and tormented over the disappearing older brother, Chuck, from Happy Days. Seriously, where the hell did that dude go? It's madness, I tell you, utter madness. Don't give us a beloved, albeit mostly invisible older brother character and then yank him away from us! And I bet HE didn't consider them to be Happy Days. But I have to wonder if he's friends with the original Becky from Roseanne...and the original Aunt Vivian from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Maybe they have, like, a club or something?

So there you have it, My Friday Confessions for today.

Go forth now, sated with the humor-filled guffaws of my Friday ramblings. I bid you well.

My Friday Confessions April 1st

I confess...I know the words to a lot a few songs by the Carpenters.  You know: Close to You, For All We Know, Rainy Days & Mondays, We've Only Just Begun [she says, pretending like she had to look up song titles on Google rather than pulling them right out of her 44-year-old brain!]. Act shocked and appalled if you wish, but I'm willing to bet there's more than just a few of you over-thirty-peeps like myself who know the words too!

I confess...I've started watching the Jersey Shore. And what's more, I kinda, sorta, almost, really like it. Alright. Dammit. I LOVE IT! How can you not love some Snooki and Pauly D and JWoww and Ronnie and Sammi and Vinny, and The Situation?! I haven't even seen more than 7 episodes total, and I'm totally into it. I seriously need to either NetFlix the earlier seasons or buy the DVD's. Can't decide which. And then perhaps a little therapy might be in order.

I confess...sometimes, when I sneeze, I fart at the same time. And I'm not ashamed.

I confess...I am frequently more entertained by insurance commercials than I am by most network television shows on the air right now.  The Geico gecko, anyone? He's cute, and he has an accent. What's not to like?

And truth be told, even Flo the Progressive Insurance gal holds more interest to me than a lot of TV shows.  Am I weird? Does this only happen to me?

My Friday Confessions March 4

OK, I'm spilling the beans. Baring my soul. Filling up blog space. And so on. Are you ready? Are you sure?

Well, OK then.

I confess...I disregard the expiration date on egg cartons. Like, always. The Hubs and I eat the eggs in the carton until they're all gone. And amazingly, we've lived to tell the tale. Isn't that eggscellent? [Sorry. Couldn't resist.] Strangely though, I would never drink expired milk. Go figure.

I confess...I have never watched Glee. [Insert the gasp heard round the world here.] I'm not sure if this means that I'm just so highly evolved  and enlightened that my intellect is in incapable of rationalizing or enjoying this type of entertainment...or if it means that I'm just lame.

I confess...I want a piece of the rock. Not this one:

Yeah, tempting...but not this one either.

I mean, this one.

I'd just like to point out that I don't typically find myself attracted to lusciously muscle-bound men. And I'm not particularly fond of tattoos.  But there is just something about Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

That tough exterior.

The wry smile.

The piercing gaze.

Have. Mercy.

I confess...that I might be ever so slightly over-infatuated with The Rock. Maybe just a smidge. What? You say "obsession" likes it's a bad thing. But at least I'm not stalking him. Give me some credit.

Have a good weekend, y'all.

My Friday Confessions February 11

Time for the weekly Friday purge.

[Beware the wanton F-Bomb. Just sayin.]

I confess...I like paper clips. Multi-colored ones. Shiny metallic ones. Funky patterned ones. I think I have a sort of OPCD (Obsessive Paper Clip Disorder). Picking out paper clips at the local O-Max is like a kid-in-the-candy-store-moment for me. [I'm not weird. Really.] I mean, sure, they're great for the office, but they are such mutli-functional little buggers. If you think about it, as long as you have paper clips,  (OK, and duct tape) , you can do almost anything. Seriously.  It's like the only tool you almost ever need. Just ask MacGyver.

I confess...I only shave my legs once a week in the winter. Besides the fact that My Razor is Evil, I just plain hate shaving. And what's the point? My legs are  completely covered 99.9% of every single winter's day. And really, it's not like I'm turning into Mrs. Sasquatch or something. So what's the big deal? The way I look at it, unless I'm grating the Hubs' skin raw when we're in the midst of spousal spooning at night, a little bit of leg hair is far from being the female hygiene crime of the century.

And I just want to add here that as I was looking for some funny or clever little image to put here, using "no shaving" as my Google search query, some of the results I got were quite...disturbing. Let's just say that I finally had a good enough reason to utter the words, "my eyes....my eyes!" Yuck. Ew. And yuck some more. And I know there is some small part of you that is wanting to Google that right this very minute to see what all my fuss is about. I'd advise against it...unless you are really ready for the knowledge that there's  a website dedicated to "furry male scrotums." Ahem.

I confess...that funny photos that include the "F Word" really  make me laugh. I don't use the F Word. Much. But man, when it's part of a photo, for some reason it just cracks me up.  Might be the word iteslf. Maybe it's just a well-placed middle digit. But either way, I have some of my best LMAO moments from this kind of humor. Admit it...it's funny.

(I can hear you laughing.)

I confess...I don't read the newspaper or watch the news. Some people think this makes me a bad American. Some people think this means I'm stupid (but  I'm a  Summa Cum Laude, 4.0 college graduate, baby). And some people think they're better than me because of it. But guess what?

My Friday Confessions January 28

Guess it's time to fess up for the week, eh?

I confess...I snore. Not all the time. And certainly not every day. But yeah, I snore. So does the Hubs on occasion, which makes for interesting sleeping quarters. Either he's snoring, or I am, but not usually both of us at the same time (small miracles). I even wake myself up sometimes from my own snoring.

I don't understand snoring. I also don't understand why I feel so ashamed and embarrassed to be a snorer. It's not like I can help it. Those freaking nose strips do NOT work. Believe me. I've tried. And I'm glad they don't work anyway because they just add insult to injury having to wake up with an ugly adhesive strip hanging off your nose. You know the person who invented those did so just to see how many idiots would actually wear them. And he's laughing all the way to the bank...but I bet even he snores!

Seriously, it's F'd up that women should have to snore. Is it not enough that we have to endure labor, childbirth, monthly visits from "Aunt Flow," PMS, stretch marks, menopause, pantyhose, curling iron burns, and that crusty makeup gunk that gets in the corner of our eyes?! Sheesh. How much is a gal supposed to take?

I wonder if Angelina Jolie snores. And if she does,  I wonder just how long it takes Brad Pitt to realize he could care less that she snores...because she's so freaking hot. Hmmm.

I confess...I don't dust my house very often. It's one of two chores I absolutely  HATE to do, the other being mopping the floors. I hate moving everything. I hate how dirty my fingers feel when I doing it. I hate the smell of furniture polish. And I really hate that within 2 days of  getting rid of the old dust, there is new dust lined up to take its place.

So even though I do like my house picked up and neat most of the time (and I can be pretty darn anal about that, go figure), I don't care if there's a layer of dust on everything inside it. It's not like it's an inch thick or anything. I'm not THAT girl yet. But it's a layer, to be sure. The way I figure it though, as long as no one runs their finger across the surface of anything, disturbing the evenly distributed layer, then it's not that noticeable. And besides, in case there's no pen handy, the dust creates an instant message board on almost any surface.

I confess...I weigh 125 pounds.

I confess...I lie about my weight. But a girl can dream, can't she?

My First Friday Confessional

Time to shake things up on a Friday night, don'tcha think? Sometimes I'm just not pissed enough to do a Friday Flip-Off. And sometimes I'm just not feeling nostalgic enough to do a Flashback Friday. So now I will have the option to do a Friday Confessional...just a little feature I discovered on the Rockin Mama blog, and that originates from the Our Dandelion Wishes blog. Got that all straight now? OK then. Lets get confessin'!

I confess...

I am addicted to blogging, cheese, Michael Jackson, the Food Network, and a vampire named Edward Cullen [a fictional character who is older than me, though the actor who plays him is young enough to be my son]. And not necessarily in that order. That doesn't make me...weird. Does it?

I confess...

On occasion I pick my nose. Now close your mouth and wipe the look of feigned horror from your face and don't try to pretend like you don't do it too. At least sometimes. We ALL do it. Maybe not in public, and thank God for that. But we do DO it.

I confess...

I almost always fart within 5 minutes of getting up in the morning. Now I'm not sure what that says about my internal disposition, but hey, better out than in, I always say.

I confess...

I make fun of people who wear spandex.

For obvious reasons.

I confess...

I know you're going to click that last photo to enlarge it.

For the same reason I did.

Which will go without saying.

But we all know what it is.

And it's OK. Being a perv curious sometimes is just human nature.

And I won't tell if you won't.