Best Things I Learned While I Was 49

It was bound to happen, folks. Once I get within spitting distance of a birthday, there's bound be a post about the 'best things I learned while I was...," in this case, 49. These annual posts of mine are usually my most popular of the year. Go figure. And even though you might not think it's possible to top the Best Things I Learned While I Was 48, (I know, right?) who knows what could happen?

And you know, I'm turning the big Hawaii 5-0 (without the Hawaii, unfortunately). So you know what that means.

Yeah, if by 'party' you mean my annual refusal to cook dinner on my birthday, going out to eat, and then falling asleep on the couch by 11:30 or so (it's a work night, after all). Party on, Garth.

So anyhoodle, lets get this best-things-I-learned-while-I-was-49 post underway, before I officially become part of the Over the Hill club. I've got until September 28 to be 49, and I will not go quietly or gracefully into my 50's, people. I'm holding onto my 40's until the very last second!

You know the drill by now: these pearls of forty-nine-year-old wisdom are in no particular order...

• Going back to college, for a second master's degree no less, is not for the weak of heart, or mind, or body...or bank account--but then again, that's what student loans are for, right? As that old saying goes, "he who dies with the most student loan debt...only gets out of it by dying."
• When David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Prince, and Gene Wilder all die in the same year, you realize that a huge part of your youth died with them...and it puts things into perspective.

•  Any idiot can run for president. And one of them will probably win. 

• Finding out that The Vampire Diaries is ending after the 2016-17 season is going to put a bit of a kink in my TVD obsession posts. Not to mention the withdrawals. And all the feels from the absence of Damon my favorite immortals! 

• Getting a teaching job after 7 years of looking (and 7 years of rejection) is kind of maybe totally awesome. 
• I have an addiction to Erin Condren planners and I don't care who knows it. Life planner? Check. Planner for journaling? Check. Teacher Planner? Check. Washi tape and stickers galore to decorate the pages of said planners? Double check.

• You should never underestimate the effect that opening a ginormous pack of gelly roll pens can have on your life, no matter how old you are.
• The word, 'ginormous' doesn't get highlighted by the spellchecker in my browser. It seems like a fake word (gigantic+enormous, anyone?), but I checked and it is indeed in the dictionary. [Oh sure. But 'boom chucka lucka' can't make the cut.]
• When people accuse you of doing things you didn't do, and they refuse to believe you no matter what you say or do, and all they do is spew venom and hate at you, it's perfectly OK to cut ties with those people. Even if they're family. 

• Unless I'm going to be swept away into a fairy tale land full of munchkins, and tin men, and Oz (Oh My!)--and it becomes a Ruby Shoes Day for a skippidy-do-walk down a yellow brick road with 3 new besties and my little dog, too--then I don't want to be within 3 miles of a tornado ever again.

• Just because someone texts you, it doesn't mean you have to read it right that very minute. Or even reply. No, seriously.
• Life is better with cheesecake.
• I don't like soda. I do, however, like an occasional pop.

• Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy art supplies, and books, and music...and that's pretty much the same thing in my book.
• Netflix awesomely allows you to binge-watch entire seasons without commercials and without annoying holidays and hiatuses...so that you can subsequently feel utterly sad, empty, and completely alone when the season or series ends.
• I have no idea who Todd Chrisley is or why he has his own reality TV show. But I think if we met we would be best friends.
• When the official Vampire Diaries page on Facebook posts a TVD meme you made, it kind of makes your day. [Who am I kidding? It made my whole year.]
• Some like it Scot.

Sam Heughan, aka Jamie Fraser on Outlander

• Documenting your life is important. Do it in photos. Do it in a planner. Do it in a journal. But do it. Your kids will appreciate it. Trust me.
• If you decide at the last minute to make a favorite recipe, and you run to the store to get the ingredients to make it, you will get home and start making it, only to realize that you forgot the main ingredient.
• The world's best garden is the one you grow with your granddaughter.

• I'm still not over the end of LOST, saying goodbye to my FRIENDS, or the death of McDreamy. And I'm OK with that.

Well now, that is quite a lot of acquired knowledge from the last year of my life. But before I finish this ode to my fading forties, I just want to add that even though I don't usually want gifts on my birthday, since turning 50 is a milestone year, I would not be opposed to a present this year. 

You know, like...

Or...

And you know, even though it's kind of not exciting to be turning the big 5-0, at least I do get to have a birthday (hello, bright side? I'm talking to you!), right? So let's just bring this Best Things I Learned When I was 49 post to a  birthday-worthy finish, shall we?

Can you say, Christina and Meredith Dance Party, boys and girls?!

Here's to the last 24 hours of my 49th year...and the beginning of (hopefully) the fabulous 50's. Dance it out, people.

10 Mostly Realistic Resolutions for 2016

One of my favorite posts to write in the last couple of years was the one about my 10 Mostly Realistic Resolutions for 2014. But dang, that was like two years ago! Apparently I didn't have a burning desire to set any goals for 2015, or maybe I was just lazy. So difficult to say. I'm sure you're aghast either way. So I think I'll just remedy this by setting 10 Mostly Realistic Resolutions for 2016 right here, right now. Who's with me?!

While you're thinking up yours, I'll just get you started with mine. You know, since you're here and all.

Ready?

1. Stop binge-watching shows on Netflix and Hulu. 

You know what? That IS insane. Binge-watching shows on Netflix and Hulu is one of my favorite things to do. And since I can watch my shows commercial-free, it's even better. OK, yeah, so let's just modify this resolution to say, "Stop binge-watching shows on Netflix and Hulu...as much." Might as well aim low, to avoid disappointment.

And speaking of binge-watching TV shows...am I the only one who feels a cruel sense of isolation and abandonment when I finish binge-watching an entire series? I mean, I manage to hit all five stages of grief after a good show ends. The struggle is real.

2. Refrain from using the word, 'Dude' so much. But, dude. That's hard. For real. Someone needs to invent a new word that is just as fun to type in social media posts. Perhaps that should be one of my resolutions as well?!

3. Find word to replace, "Dude."  

4. Drink less Starbucks Iced Espresso. I mean seriously, I'm a wee bit addicted to this stuff. I need to cut back a little. But really, there are worse things I could be addicted to, am I right? It's not like I drink 3 bottles of this a week or anything. Well, not every week. Mostly not. OK, OK, mostly I do! [Hangs head in shame.]

5. Do NOT give up on The Vampire Diaries. I will admit it: I'm still in the TVD fangdom. I can't help it really. I found that show on Netflix in 2010 or 2011 and I was hooked from the first episode. And even though Season 6 was less than stellar vampire TV drama, and even though I have *almost* given up on it a time or two, it still beckons me every week to come back for more. Even without Elena. But my love for this show has absolutely, positively nothing at all to do with Ian Somerhalder, aka Damon Salvatore. Nothing. 

At all.

6. Eat more breakfast for dinner. Because cooking is hard. And breakfast is just easier. And yummier. And because French Toast! I already got a jump on this resolution: we had French Toast for dinner tonight. How's that for being an overachiever?!

7. Do NOT learn to Whip and Nae Nae.  Let's face it: I'm getting old. And I'm not exactly dancer material. So it's highly unlikely you'll ever see me either Whip, or Nae Nae for that matter. But I do like the sound of it. It's catchy, no? And I like to watch other people do it too. So even though I'll not be whipping anything but cream, or nae-nae-ing anything--except to object to something--at any point in the coming year, if YOU are so inclined, by all means, Whip. And Nae Nae.

(Image: FallonTonight)

8.  Develop the healthy glow of someone who goes to the gym. But with one important caveat. 

9. Live every day like it's Taco Tuesday. I mean, who doesn't like Taco Tuesdays?

10. Keep on being weird. Because "normal" is overrated. And really, if you think about it, there is no "normal." We're all just different degrees of screwed up and weird. And that, my friends, is totally OK.

So I will not only keep on being weird, I will revel in my weirdness. Weirdness rules. Rock the weird in you too! Especially if they pump up your jam.

And with that you have my 10 Mostly Realistic Resolutions for 2016. Mostly do-able.
Fully and Tinaliciously me.

Have a safe and Happy New Year, peeps!

Things I Learned While I was 48

Well it's that time of year of again. You know, the day in which I honor the awe and wonder that is the 28th day of September. Also known as the day of my birth. Yep.

And due to my wildly popular Best Things I Learned While I was 47 post last year, I thought I'd try to capitalize on a post format that worked so well last year, and bring that same glorious magic to my 48th year of living on planet earth as well. Predictability is highly underrated. Just sayin.

I know you're a-tingle with anticipation. So let's get right to it, shall we?

As always, in no particular order, here's what I learned over the past 365 days...

• Alcoholic Root Beer tastes like Root Beer. With alcohol in it. 
• The only thing worse than my Obamacare health insurance payments is having the stomach flu and vomiting multiple times in one day. But it was almost too close to call.
• It is possible to plan an entire wedding in two months without going completely insane.
• Testosterone causes objects to become invisible to men when they're looking for them--even when they're right in front them. 
• Conversely, estrogen gives women the power to find things that are completely invisible to men.
• Taking your daughter and granddaughter to see Cinderella is almost as magical as the movie itself.
• No one is quite as hot as Richard Madden as the King of the North. Except maybe Richard Madden as Prince Charming. 

• Snagajob always seems to have amazeballs careers waiting for me. You know, like selling Avon, or working at Taco Bell. 
• It's OK if the Hubs wants to sleep with a college student. As long as it's me.
• The easiest way to piss someone off is to reply 'K' to a paragraph-long text.
• The best Dance Party is the Carlton Dance Party.
• I have so much in common with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. (We all eat at Subway sometimes, so yeah, it counts.)
• KFC's recent 'Colonel' commercials are just creepy enough to make me NOT want to eat at KFC. 
• The only thing worse than KFC's 'Colonel' commercials are Matthew McConaughey's Lincoln commercials. Newsflash, Lincoln execs: if you wanna sell Lincolns, it's not that difficult.

• I stop taking anyone seriously as soon as they use the word, 'Supposably.'
• I'm pretty sure rocket science is far less complicated than getting the seal off of my bottle of International Delight creamer.
• If the power's going to go out during a storm, it will be the same day you just went to the grocery store and your frig is crammed full of food.
• I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain...
• I'm glad I don't have to draw on my eyebrows every day, because at this point in my life I'm sure I'd forget to do that.
• My need for bifocals became clear the moment I tried to pick up a wad of hair off the carpet. And it was a centipede.
• Closing your eyes while you eat a candy bar makes it lose its calories. I read that on the Internet so I know it's true.

Finally, now that my birthday is nearing its end, I'm just sitting here waiting for my birthday dessert to arrive.

The cake would be awesome too.

Obligatory Thankful Post - 2014 Edition

Well folks, since my Obligatory Thankful Post from last year was such a hit (one of my most viewed posts to date), I thought I'd make it annual tradition here on the blog. That way I can over share my heaps [dude, yes, HEAPS] of boundless gratitude about anything and everything from the past year that I am truly thankful for. Like it or not.

Now then, where to start...oh yes. Let's start with Outlander, shall we? 

I don't know how I managed it, but I had never heard of Outlander--neither the book series nor the TV series based on said books that debuted this year--until my online friend, Tracy posted about it on FB. She mentioned having read the series and was excited about the upcoming TV show. Once she gave me the basic plot, it sounded right up my alley so I did some investigating ( i.e. Googling ) on my own. And I'm just amazed that I somehow overlooked an incredibly popular book series that I really should have read long, long ago. Even my mom would have loved it, and had I known about it I'd have bought her the entire series!  I'm currently reading book 3 (Voyager) myself and I'm loving the books so far. And as for the TV series, Outlander?

Yeah, I kinda sort really totally love it! Scottish actor Sam Heughan as Jamie Fraser is just the sort of red-haired eye candy that I love. If I could travel to Scotland and Craigh na Dun, with even the slightest chance of touching mystical stones and traveling back in time to 18th century Scotland and meeting that guy, I'd surely want do it. But hey, I'm married, and I am 'no a hoor' [<-- inside Outlander joke right there]. But yeah, totally thankful for finding out about Outlander. Thanks, Tracy! If you haven't read the books or watched the series, I can highly recommend them both. 

I'm also thankful for a year with my Keurig coffee machine. Holla! Because everyone deserves a fresh cup of coffee, every single time. I'd love it more if the K-Cups were recyclable. I mean, come on, Keurig, it's almost 2015. Get it together. But since I recycle everything else that I can, and since I always use cloth bags at the grocery store, I think I'm entitled to a wee bit of latitude on the plastic K-Cups usage. Coffee, with a side of guilt anyone?!

I'm very thankful to have a car with Remote Start again. This may seem like something trivial if you live in a warmer climate. But here in Ohio, it gets mighty cold in the winter. And having to run out and start a car when it's 10 below is not exactly my idea of fun. The older I get it's even less fun. Remote start means I no longer have to become a human Popsicle in order to start my car, and that, as Martha would say, is a very good thing.

And hey, I'm also thankful for The Monkees. Because really, I don't think The Monkees get enough thanks.

Finally, since I want to keep this short...it is a holiday week after all...I'll just take this moment to say that I'm very thankful for my Memories. I've had some wonderful Thanksgivings over the years. I spend a lot of them missing my family since we all live far apart from each other. But I do think fondly of the wonderful Turkey Days I did get to spend with them. And this one in particular comes to mind...and the meal we had was just one of the best of my childhood. It was circa 1976 (or 77).

My mom made this incredible spread all by herself. She went all out and worked so hard to make an amazing meal for the family. She even used the good China! The meal had all our usuals, plus a few extras.

1. Turkey and Dressing (Mom seldom stuffed the bird itself; she liked it separate, as do I).
2. Mashed Potatoes (lump-free) and a gravy so good you could have drank it from the bowl.
3. Yams, of course. You gotta have Yams.
4. Fried Chicken??? Dang. How'd that get there?!
5. Apple Salad. An old family recipe that I still love at holiday time. Notice the classic Tupperware it's being served in here. I wish I had that bowl. I would totally put my Apple Salad in it.
6. Braided homemade bread. That was a thing of beauty! And there wasn't much left when we were done with dinner. 
7.  A Veggie Tray. Seems silly to have that when everything else fills you up. But it's always good.
8. And for dessert? Pie and English Trifle. Mom's Trifle was the best. I still like to make it at Christmas time. Sometimes for Turkey Day too, if the mood strikes.

Memories mean everything. Especially as the memories of my family grow to be all I have left. I am thankful for them though, and will cherish them always.

On that note, I hope you enjoyed my Obligatory Thankful Post for 2014. And I also hope that you and your family have a truly wonderful day of family, feast, and fun that you'll not soon forget. 

And don't forget to pack some Tums, just in case you eat a bit too much.

Gobble, gobble.

Best Things I Learned While I was 47

Psst. Hey, you.

Yes, YOU.

Do you know what tomorrow is?

And I was rather inspired by reading a birthday blog post recently by The Militant Baker blogger, so I decided that this year, in honor of my 48th birthday, I'd try to follow suit and list all the best things I learned while I was 47. I mean really, we all learn stuff on a fairly regular basis if you think about it. And birthdays are a great time to reflect on all that semi-awesome and painstakingly acquired new knowledge, don't you think?

 A lot can happen in a year. And even though I never really feel any different on my birthday than I do any other day of the year, it's still a special sort of day. Kind of. So I guess my gift to myself--and to all of you, no doubt--is some shared moments and milestones from the past 365 days.

So, in no particular order, here's what I've learned...

• I love Outlander almost as much as I love The Vampire Diaries. And, dude, that's a LOT.
• Hot dogs taste best with just mustard. Just. Mustard.
• I'm an invisible loser on Twitter, and that's OK.
• One phone call can change your whole perspective on people, and life in general.
• Painting is my favorite escape.
• Sometimes a song can say everything you can't put into words.
• My instincts are usually dead right.
• I don't like "hard apple ale." I hate it, in fact.
• I do like Moscato. A lot.
• Sex with the Hubs, like a good wine, improves with age. Yowza! (Apologies to my daughter--for the embarrassment--if she's reading this.)
• Losing weight is never going to be easy for me, but I have to keep trying.
• I can still write a fairly good poem.
• Being an Executrix is hard F'n work. 2 years of it was more than enough.
• I'm growing tired of Pizza. I know. The horror.
• Naps are highly underrated.
• I'd rather sit at home with the Hubs on a Saturday night, watching a movie, than almost anything else in the world.
• Life isn't perfect, but it isn't supposed to be. 
• Menopause isn't for sissies. 
• Unwanted facial hair is the bane of my existence. 
• Pitch Perfect is still just as funny at the 11th viewing as it is at the 1st. A-ca believe it.
• A healthy infatuation with Ian Somerhalder isn't the worst thing in the world I could have. 
• I can control my bitchy-ness. Sometimes.
• iPhones that get updated and then won't sync across devices are a crime against humanity.
• Fat girls should seriously think twice before attempting to hike down to Old Man's Cave in Hocking Hills, Ohio. Getting down is easy. Getting up is a totally different story. I give myself points for the attempt--and making it 2/3 of the way down before I realized I'd probably drop dead if I went any further.
• Husbands who appreciate fat girls' hiking attempts are the best husbands in the world.
• My daughter's smile brings me complete happiness.
• My grandkids proved that my heart can hold more love than I ever thought possible.
• Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon Prime make my TV worth having.
• It's OK to read 50 Shades of Grey. Even a few times.
• My value is not determined by my weight.
• It's OK to cry.
• I may never finish all the books on my Goodreads To Read list. And I can live with that.

See there? That's quite a bit of learnin' happening in the past year. I could have kept going (rambling is one of my super powers after all), but hey, it's my birthday weekend. That's right. We don't limit birthdays to a single day in this house. It's a whole weekend or nothing! And it's party time.

[And of course by "party," I mean dinner at Red Lobster, a little shopping, then maybe a movie at home with the Hubs.] 

Party on.

The Lived It List

I was reading a blog the other day (Day Dreaming in Ink) and found a blog post I really liked called The Nectar List. It's kind of the opposite of a Bucket List; in it though they list the things they've done that have been the "nectar" of their existence--the things they did that put the actual living in their life. I really liked that idea, so I thought I'd start my own list. But I don't like the word, nectar, so I'm calling mine the Lived It List instead.

So I'm going to get this rolling with some things I've done in my life that really did put the living in my life--some of them may not seem like much or very important, but that's OK. These things don't need to be life-altering moments or events of profound achievement. The point is that they mean something to YOU, and that they give you something fun to remember as you think about the past, rather than worrying about the future. They could be very sentimental things, funny things, outrageous things--really anything.

So here goes...

1. I've had my feet in two different oceans (not at the same time, mind you): the Atlantic and the Pacific.
2. I've been to Graceland. 5 times.
3. I've seen John Mellencamp in concert, back when he was John Cougar. It Hurt so Good.
4. I wrote to Carol Burnett when I was a child, and she replied back and sent me an autographed photo.
5. I've lived in Virginia, Alaska, California, Washington, Texas and Ohio.
6. I've ridden Seattle fairies.
7. I've seen a UFO. No, I'm not kidding.
8. I've watched fireworks up over the Washington Monument.
9. I've seen the famous ducks at the Peabody Hotel in Memphis, TN.
10. I've gotten autographs from Donny and Marie Osmond.
11. I've done the Puyallup (fair, that is).
12. I've seen a drunk guy pee in an alley on a rainy night in Seattle.
13. I skipped school to watch Luke and Laura get married on General Hospital.
14. I've been to Tijuana and NOT drank the water.
15. I've skinny dipped.
16. I've eaten Chinese food in China Town, San Francisco. 
17. I've ridden a trolley car in San Francisco too.
18. I've eaten Japanese food while sitting on the floor at a restaurant in Victoria, B.C.
19. I Disco danced in the 70's.
20. I've gotten a phone call from Muhammad Ali.
21. I've been to Disney Land, Universal Studios, and Knott's Berry Farm in California.
22. I've stood in two states at the same time.
23. I've ridden in a Dune Buggy.
24. I've eaten lobster on a beach in southern California.
25. I've been ashed on by Mt. St. Helen's.
26. I've heard Styx perform live.
27. I was alive before the Internet. Hey, that's something, folks.
28. I've had to use a rotary phone...on a party line. Kids today have it too easy!
29. I wore Vans before they were cool.
30. I've been in the same room as LaToya Jackson. Granted, it was a BIG room--and it was supposed to have been Michael (in 1983). But hey, it's something.
31. I've sailed on Lake Michigan at sunset.
32. I've been to Fantasy Island. OK, well, to one of the places where they shot some of the scenic stuff--otherwise known as the Los Angeles Arboretum.
33. I've caught fireflies in a jar.
34. I've been to a Toga Party.
35. I've seen the Nutcracker Ballet live.
36. I've been to a Trace Adkins concert--and I had no idea at the time who he was.
37. I've seen the famous Hollywood sign--from a smog-filled distance.
38. I've thrown pots on a potter's wheel. Not great ones, but still.
39. I've been swimming with jellyfish. Though not by choice.
40. I've broken my arm (as an adult) as the direct result of an uber-realistic nightmare induced by the side effects of medication.

There now, that wasn't so hard was it? That's 40 things I've done that really made me feel like I was living. Some are quite memorable. Some I want to remember forever. Others I'd rather forget. But I lived them none the less. How about you? What would be on YOUR "Lived It List?" Do tell.

 

My 5 Teenage Superpowers

I'm not sure what prompted my brain to shift into reverse and start thinking about my high school horror days, but something made me wander there today. So I figure I might as well take advantage of it, at least while I still have the ability to remember anything at all. 

If I'm being honest, I wasn't exactly the homecoming queen, nor was I one of the most "popular" girls. What can I say?

I did, however, have a variety of fabulous superpowers as a teenager, which I'm only too happy to share with you now as a means to pass the time in truly Tinalicious style. Maybe you had these superpowers too. Let's find out, shall we? Come on now...this is going to involve a bit of time traveling. Hold on.

The Power of Invisibility

Yes, folks, I had the miraculous ability to stand in any room in my high school and be completely unseen for vast periods of time. This didn't happen all the time, and it really was quite involuntary on my part, but it did happen without warning on numerous occasions. Teachers would mark me absent when I was sitting at my desk. I could raise my hand (when I occasionally knew the answer to the teacher's question) and not be chosen to share my [questionable] wisdom with the class. And frequently in gym class I would be the last person selected for any team--I mean really, it's like they couldn't see me at all until I was the last one standing there. And eventually I really had to wonder...

Interestingly enough, I still have this superpower to this day, though it only happens when I'm in public places, and frequently when there's some hot gal standing next to me. Yep, I become completely invisible. Weird.

The Power to Repel Volleyballs

The only game I liked in gym class was volleyball. Even though I sucked at it. I totally enjoyed it. But the thing I didn't enjoy was my power to repel volleyballs with certain parts of my anatomy. 

Strangely, there's no real benefit to this superpower. Other than to make everyone in gym class laugh at you, which I did on more than one occasion.

The Power to Believe I was Fat
This power was, like, all too powerful. From about 1981, I truly believed I was fat. I believed no clothes fit me. I believed that everything made me look fat--except sweatpants and bib overalls. Believe. It. And I believed that starving myself and taking diet pills was the sure-fire way to fix my utter fatness.

Gif by www.neopolis.gr

You know, I can only wish now that I was as fat as I THOUGHT I was in high school. Dude, I would kill to be that fat. Not a person or anything. And not an animal. Maybe a mosquito. Yeah, a bug of some sort. I don't think PETA could complain too much about that.

 The Power of Absenteeism. Particularly my junior year.

After moving away from all of my friends at the end of the 10th grade I grew very depressed. So by the time my junior year started I took hating school to an all new level. As a result, I missed a lot of school my junior year. A LOT. I just hated being there. It all seemed so pointless.

I will say though that by my senior year I got out of my funk and managed to quit missing so much school, and basically get my crap together. Go, me.

My Powers of Song

I had the uncanny ability and wonderful power to do synchronized lady dancing while singing chart toppers a capella. 

OK. Maybe that last one is a lie. But considering there is a Pitch Perfect 2 movie in the making, it's never really too soon to throw out a Pitch Perfect movie reference, should the opportunity arise. A-ca believe it.

So there you go. My 5 Teenage Superpowers, which I bet you never knew I had. And maybe you had some of them too? Do tell. Drop me a comment and let me know.

 

I Blame the Y Chromosome

Why oh why is it that men don't seem to be able to find anything in the house without help? They'll look for something and look for something, but it's amazingly never to be found. That is, of course, until the woman of the house walks right in and finds it.

I can recall numerous instances of the Hubs and Me involved in this exact type of scenario. He asks me where something is, I tell him where it is, he "looks" for a bit, but he never seems to be able to find it. Then I'll walk right in and find whatever it is in no time. This happens at home on a semi-regular basis, but it also happens when we're at a store looking for something.

I used to think it was just the Hubs--but then I saw other men do it too. Like, a LOT. And one time when my grandson was at the store with us, he couldn't find something that was right in front of him--and the Hubs couldn't find it either.

That's pretty much when I figured it out: It's a man thing. Yep. Absolutely a problem affixed to the male of our species. And I totally blame the Y Chromosome. Clearly it messes up their radar. Or their vision. Or both.

Just the other night the Hubs couldn't find a certain pair of shorts he has. I asked him why he wasn't wearing them and he said he "couldn't find them." It went kind of like this...

Me: Did you look for them? I mean, really LOOK?

Hubs: Yes, I looked. Where could they be?

Me: They can only be in your dresser or on the shelf in your closet--it's one or the other.

Hubs: I looked both of those places.

Me: So what do I get when I walk in there and find them?

Hubs: *shrugs*

Me: *walks to bedroom, checks closet, no shorts. Looks on shelf in closet--bingo, there they are.*

Me: Found 'em.

Hubs: Where were they?!

Me: Right on top of the shelf in your closet, plain as day.

Hubs: I looked there.

Me: Obviously.

And all of this really has me wondering too, could it be the Y Chromosome that also makes men unable to ask for directions when they're lost? Perhaps it's also the reason that men don't seem to notice when the toilet paper roll needs to be changed--or why they can walk past a sink full of dirty dishes or a pile of dirty clothes, seemingly oblivious to the vast amount of household real estate they occupy, even when they are directly in front of it? 

Hmmm. A lot of men can't seem to find a woman's G-Spot either. Coincidence?

 

Yeah, until proven otherwise, I blame the Y Chromosome.

Poop Happens

Yes, that's right. It says Poop up there. And all thanks to my adorable granddaughter, Destiny, who makes me glad everyday that I'm a grandma--because she always knows how to make me laugh.

The other night we took her and my grandson, Dylan out to dinner. We were talking about food and eating dinner when Destiny, out of nowhere, said, "you know what, if there are brown fruits, they should be called Poop Snacks."  And at first I was like...

But then I was like...

Because let's face it: she's only gonna be four once, and the girl is just funny! I know she gets that from me. I mean, obviously.

Then I got to thinking about something she did last year, also--amazingly--poop-related. She was singing some little song to herself and I couldn't quite make out what she was saying. So I decided to ask her...while recording her on my iPhone. So when I asked her what song she was singing, this was her reply.

What can I say? It cracks me up. Every. Single. Time. She wouldn't go back to singing her song after that, but no matter. I loved her reply enough to keep forever. And really, when you think about it, poop is funny. At least sometimes. It's part of life.

Really, poop happens.